


You like boys like me, Jay?

by Matilda



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:21:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 39,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matilda/pseuds/Matilda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt in SPN kink<br/>Jared and Jensen meet at a CW party back in the day, have a one night stand, that results in Jared getting pregnant.<br/>Jared is forced to return home, he's rejected by his homophobic parents and forced to work shitty jobs to make rent, then he gets offered SPN, has to face his past and hide the big secret about Jensen being the father of his now 3 year old baby boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Titled: You like boys like me, Jay?  
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OFC, Jensen/OMC  
Rating/Warning: NC-17, dirty talk, virgin, mpreg, daddies, oral, more to come.  
  
Based on an spnkink meme prompt

  
  


Jared steps off the plane with Eli’s small hand clenched tightly in his.

“Daddy you’re squeezing my hand, we’re here now I’m not scared anymore, silly bean, lemme go…oh look Daddy mountains.”

Eli bounces up and down on the huge metal stairs pointing at the row of looming, still snow capped mountains. It’s early July, the sun is gloriously shining over the expanse of YVR airport, and Jared has to agree with his son there sure are a lot of mountains.

A small blonde haired woman approaches Jared.

“Mr Padalecki, so glad you made it finally, we’ve arranged for a car to be brought over, once we’ve finished with customs and immigration we’ll be on our way. Do you need anything, how about your little one, are you both ok?”

“Um sorry who are you? And why are you British?” Jared asks, not rudely but with a little bite, he’s tired and wants to go somewhere less open.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, Mr Kripke informed me he’d email you, so sorry. I’m Lydia, I’ll be your personal assistant, well yours and Eli’s. Mr Kripke thought it best if someone was here to help you get settled. And well I’m British, because I’m from England originally, but um I live here now and I needed a job.” Lyida blushes and looks at her feet.

Jared immediately feels guilty, “Please don’t apologise, I’m in a bad mood, I’m tired, and no, there was no email from Kripke. Could we find a bathroom? Oh and Eli will be getting hungry soon, he didn’t like the plane food that much.” Jared attempts one of his best-dimpled smiles.

“Oh no worries at all Mr Padalecki. Come on let’s get you boys freshened up.”

Jared picks up Eli in one arm and slings his bag on the other shoulder. “You ok baby boy, we’re in Canada now, remember to keep your eyes open for moose.” Jared places a kiss to his son’s sandy coloured hair.

The next hour is spent sorting out passports and work visa’s, Eli is fast asleep on top of their luggage cart and Jared just wants to be in bed.

Lydia brings over an ice-cap and a box of Timbits.

“Nearly at the front of the queue now, not long Mr Padalecki.” She smiles at him sweetly.

“Please Lydia call me Jared, I’m like what 2 years older than you.” She blushes again and nods.

“Ok Jared it is then. Eli’s beautiful by the way, I wanted to say it as soon as you stepped off the plane but I thought you’d think I was even weirder. He has your nose, it’s cute.” She says with a smile.

Jared’s face breaks into an open and warm smile, “Isn’t he perfect, my beautiful boy, thank you for saying that. I wouldn’t have thought you were too weird.” He says with a wink.

“He has his other father’s eyes, and complexion, and well, hair as a matter of fact, seems like all I did was carry him for nine months and dent his nose on the way out.” His gets a dreamy little expression on his face as he smoothes down his sons soft, shoulder length hair.

-

It turns out Lydia has already set up most of their house, Jared walks into the beautiful open front room. They are living in Kitsilano, with views of the harbour and the mountains, Eli will love it, but for now Jared just stares in disbelief. Not even two months ago he was working the late shift at Dominos pizza in the South Side of San Antonio, living in a crappy two-bed apartment with Sandy, one of his high school friends, trying to scrap together enough money for rent and food and clothes for the ever growing Eli.

Kripke had called at the beginning of May, told him that there was a show he was trying to put together, one of the writers on the Glimore Girls had recommended Jared to him and would he like to come for an audition. Jared had been shocked, it had been almost three years since he’d left Hollywood, and he’d given up on acting. He couldn’t face being there seeing all his old friends anymore, all those memories.

Three years earlier

It was a network party. Jared had just turned 20, his Mama and Papa were so proud of their boy; working on a cable show living in LA, driving a brand new car. He’d finished up another season of the Glimore Girls, it was fun work, the cast were nice but Jared hoped it wouldn’t be the peak of his career. He was nursing a beer, watching the party from a quiet corner, trying to suss out who people were. He’s already spotted a few guys from OTH and Smallville, but he hadn’t spoken to anyone. Milo was around somewhere, but Jared didn’t want to spend another night following him around.

“You look lonely up there stretch.”

Jared looked to his right, smiling up at him was the most beautiful man Jared had ever seen, bright green eyes, full pink lips and freckles all over his nose.

“Um, um, I…” Jared mumbled.

“Jensen Ackles, nice to meet y’all.” Jensen practically purred at Jared.

“Jaredpadaleckinicetomeetyoutoo.” Jared could feel his face burning up with nerves, what the hell was wrong with him; no one ever made him feel like this.

Jensen leant into Jared’s side, he cupped Jared’s elbow and whispered into his ear.

“You sure are cute when you’re nervous.”

Jared gulped back his beer and tried not to inhale the oaky, sandalwood smell of Jensen’s aftershave. He closed his eyes against the wave of want coursing through his body. He was over this, Jared wasn’t gay, his Mama and Papa had seen that it was straightened out, Pastor Clark had said it was just a phase, god was testing him that was all. But Jensen, this Jensen guy was testing him too alright, jesus he smelt so good.

“You maybe want to get out of here, hey stretch, I got a real nice apartment downtown, and maybe we could get to know each other a little better.” Jensen said into Jared’s ear as he pushed a stray strand of hair out of the way. Jared turned his head to look at Jensen’s face, the soft pad of Jensen’s thumb rubbed along his bottom lip chasing away a drop of beer. Looking directly into Jared’s eyes, Jensen sucked his thumb into his mouth and gave a ridiculously hot little moan at the taste.

“What d’ya think, hey Jared, you wanna come with me?”

Jared had never wanted anything so much in his whole goddamn life. Pastor Clark was so wrong, this wasn’t a phase, this wasn’t god testing him, this was Jared willingly being eaten alive by the devil himself, Jensen Ackles. Perfect Jensen Ackles with his designer suit, his professionally messed up hair, his sinful lips and his fucking twinkly eyes. Jared knew then he was making the biggest mistake of his life, but he was just a country boy fresh off the train, he never stood a chance.

Jensen smiled the moment he sensed Jared had made his decision, quickly grabbing hold of the boy’s huge hand and all but dragging him through the party and out the front entrance.

The drive to Jensen’s apartment was in near silence, Jared was still nursing his one and only beer, Jensen’s hand was possessively clamped onto Jared’s knee, rubbing maddening little circles higher and higher up his thigh.

_

Once inside the complex Jensen seemed to almost get nervous, he shyly looked up at Jared as they ascended in the elevator.

“Didn’t think it would work you know?” Jensen confesses.

Jared just blinks, “Um what would work?”

“That line, being that forceful. I just had to try though, saw you walk in, so fucking cute. You are adorable you know that right Jay, I can call you Jay right?”

Jared looks at Jensen’s eager face and is seconds away from saying that Jensen can call Jared any goddamn name that makes him smile like that, but instead he settles on nodding and looking down at his tightly clenched hands.

“You like boys like me, Jay? Have you ever been with a boy?” Jensen teases.

The flush sweeps over Jared’s body, why didn’t he drink faster, this would be so much easier if he were drunk.

“Um…I…um…no never been with a boy like you Jensen.” He admits, not looking up to meet Jensen’s stare.

Jensen moves closer, pushing Jared back against the shiny metal wall. Leans right into Jared space again, up against his ear.

“You ever been with anyone at all, baby?”

Jared closes his eyes against the hot puffs of air that Jensen is breathing over his neck; he shakes his head slightly, willing his embarrassment to go away.

“Are you a virgin Jared?” Jensen asks as he sucks gently at Jared’s soft ear lobe, he lightly nips at the flesh.

Jared lets out a moan; he’s having his ear bitten by Jensen Ackles in a goddamn elevator and it’s the single most erotic thing that has ever happened to him. He can feel his cock straining against the soft cotton of his boxers; he can feel every inch of Jensen’s body as it presses him into the wall.

The elevator pings and the doors slide open; Jensen pulls Jared out into the hallway, and through his front door.

“Fuck Jared, want you so bad, what do you want to do, it’s your first time baby, what do you want? You can fuck me if you want, I’ll let you, just gotta taste you.” Jensen is down on his knees and opening Jared’s zipper before Jared can even process any of those questions.

“I, um, fuck Jensen want you, just want you…oh fuck me, your mouth is on my cock, your fucking mouth is on my cock. Sweet mother of god.” Jared closes his eyes up and tilts his head up to the ceiling as if even facing Jensen on his knees is too much.

“Aww baby, you religious, you gone all god fearing on me, I’m on my knees Jay, I’m a good boy, I just worship something a little more real.” Jensen purrs out, licking his way back up Jared’s hot pulsing cock. Jensen is most definitely not a virgin, his hand fists around the base of Jared, whilst he’s tonguing and teasing the fat vein that snakes it’s way up the underside of Jared’s cock. Jensen sucks the tip into his mouth and plays with the slit just at the very end.

“Jesus, oh god, oh god, Jensen I think I’m gonna….oh fuccccck.” Jared wants to die, he actually wants to curl up in a little ball and disappear. He just came all over Jensen Ackles’ mouth and face, after about a three-second blowjob. Yep it’s officially he is the lamest virgin alive.

“Oh my god Jensen I’m so sorry, oh god please just give me a second and I’ll leave, I can get a cab, I’m so sorry.”

Grabbing the hand towel near the kitchen sink, Jensen wipes over his face and chuckles loudly at Jared’s obvious embarrassment.

“Oh baby Jay, sweet baby Jay, you are officially my favourite virgin, don’t worry about it, I got to be honest with you, that wasn’t the first time that’s happened to me. What can I say I got a gift, a gods honest gift!”

Jared doesn’t know whether he wants to punch his goddamn smug face or kiss him, well no that’s not true Jared just wants to kiss him, so he does. It shuts Jensen up, Jared plunges his tongue into that ridiculous looking mouth and prays to god he’s doing it right.

Pulling away a little Jensen smiles and smoothes his hand over Jared’s hair, “Slow down baby boy, there’s no rush ok. Let me get you a drink, beer?”

“Thanks, a beer would be good, I’m so sorry Jensen and I’m so embarrassed, fuck, it’s just you are so hot and so totally not in my league man, and fuck your mouth.” Jared sits at the breakfast bar and hangs his head.

Moving over to the shy, blushing boy Jensen offers him the beer and pushes his way between Jared’s long open thighs.

Jensen takes a long swallow of his beer, smirking down at Jared he whispers; “You won’t be a virgin in the morning, Baby Jay.” He leans down to place a soft kiss on Jared’s beer wet lips.

“Finish your beer baby and meet me in the bedroom.” With that Jensen saunters off to the door at the end of the hallway.  
  
[Part two](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/3685.html)

  



	2. Chapter 2

  
  


Jared has never gulped down a beer so fast, he also spots a bottle of Jack on the kitchen counter and without thinking too much about it swallows down a couple of mouthfuls of that too. Shaking his head at the bitter tang he follows Jensen.

Jensen is no where to be seen, but the soft light from the bathroom and the hum of the faucet running relieve Jared’s temporary panic. The room is nice, sparse; more like a hotel room than a home, but Jared guesses maybe Jensen isn’t here a lot. He wanders around and looks at the two small shelves by the bed, one has a stack of scripts and a couple of highlighters thrown on top and the other has a pair of reading glasses and a single picture frame. The photo is of Jensen and a woman at some kind of event, arms around each other smiling like a picture perfect happy couple.

Jared tilts his head at the picture, trying to ignore the knot that forms in his stomach when he looks at them smiling together.

Silently Jensen wraps himself around Jared, nuzzling at the side of his neck.

“Um you smell so good baby Jay,” He kisses a trail down Jared’s neck and across his clothed shoulder. “Need to see more of you though, baby need to explore you and taste you.” Jensen lets his hand fall to Jared’s crotch; he cups the growing bulge there and gives it a squeeze. Jared lets his head fall back against Jensen’s shoulder and thrusts his hips a little into the grip.

Fuck what was Jared meant to say, he wanted to ask Jensen about…oh fuck it, Jensen’s hand has worked it’s way inside Jared’s boxers he’s pulling on Jared’s half hard dick and muttering filth into Jared’s ear.

“Gonna fuck your sweet little virgin ass baby Jay. You gonna let me be the first one, huh baby, I’ll make it so good for you. You know you never forget your first time baby.”

A sound somewhere between a whine and a moan escapes Jared, he can barely put together two thoughts let alone think about what Jensen is asking, so he just nods dumbly and thrusts a little more into that perfect pressure.

“Takes your clothes off baby, wanna see you.”

Jared complies, his fingers feel thick and heavy with lust and the alcohol coursing through his blood, one button flies off and he grows restless with the rest, just pulling the shirt over his head.

Jensen’s hands fly up to Jared’s pink little nubs, he tweaks Jared’s nipples and bites down on his ear lobe, “Fuck Jensen, too much, you’re too much, jesus.”

Jared pushes at his open pants, working them down and kicking them off, he’s naked now apart from his socks and shoes, and he knows he looks ridiculous, but Jensen’s hand is migrating south and honestly Jared could be stood here is a chicken costume and he’d still be the happiest fucker on earth.

“Get on the bed for me Jay, gotta grab some supplies.” Jensen takes off back to the bathroom. Quickly without any grace Jared leaps on the bed and fumbles with his remaining clothing. Attempting to look at least a little alluring Jared arranges his longs limbs on the bed and rests back against the headboard.

Jensen returns with a condom and some lube in his hand, he’s shirtless but still has on the smart dress pants.

He tosses the lube at Jared, “Wanna see you work yourself open baby Jay.” He winks at Jared.

Jensen sits back on a huge leather seat in the corner of the room; he throws one hand up above his head and slowly works his zipper down with the other hand.

Jared just freezes for a minute, this was not part of the plan, jesus, of course he’s thought about this, but he made a promise he would never touch himself like that, because that would be it, that would the last straw.

“Don’t be shy baby, bet those beautiful long fingers will feel pretty good, come one spread those legs.”

Jared gulps back any last thoughts of a normal life, it’s now he’s realizing that this is it, he was never straight, never bi, he’s always been gay, but Jensen was the only one who made him brave.

Moving to the centre of the bed Jared leans back against the pillows and pulls his knees up. The cap popping open breaks the tension in the room. He covers three fingers, works the slimy lube between them. Tentatively he reaches down, shifting his butt further down the bed and pulling his legs even higher.

“Fuck baby Jay, look at you, taking that first finger like a pro, does it feel good baby, you never even touched yourself have you? Jesus your church’s done a real number on you didn’t they baby. That’s it tease it, stretch it for me, I ain’t small baby Jay and you’re gonna be taking all of me in there tonight.” Jensen pumps his now exposed cock for effect, Jared’s previously closed eyes flutter open to look at it.

Jensen’s right, he isn’t small; his cock is thick, curving up to his belly in a soft arch, it looks almost painfully swollen.

“Fuck, need to be in you Jay, quick add another finger, fuck down on three.”

Jensen pulls and pumps at his cock a few more times before climbing over to the bed.

“You’re gonna wanna be on your knees for this baby, it might sting a little.”

Jensen manhandles Jared onto his front. Jared is overwhelmed with the sensation of someone actually being stronger than him, he’s tall and ok he’s skinny but he’s starting to work out, but Jensen flips him like a he’s a goddamn girl. It shouldn’t be hot, it should be humiliating but it’s just not. Jared moans into the pillow as Jensen roughly pulls his hips up from the bed.

Rubbing a thumb over the pucker Jensen wastes on time, roughly pulling at the rim, working more lube in and around the pink little bud, “Fuck Jay, I need you now, gotta be in you.”

Jensen pulls at his cock, looks around for the condom, “Fuck where’d the condom go?”

“Just fuck me, I’m clean, I’m a fucking virgin Jensen, please just fuck me, god I need it, please!”

Running his hand down Jared’s spine Jensen thrusts his hips into Jared. “Only if you’re sure baby, I’m clean too, get check every three months.”

“Ahhhh, just fuck me, stop teasing Jensen, please.” Jared twists both hands into the bed sheet and dips his head to the pillow.

“Easy baby.” Jensen lines up his leaking cock and kisses the tip to Jared’s pucker, teasing the poor boy underneath him. “Easy there big Jay, you’ll get my cock, just be patient baby.”

Using his thumb Jensen squeezes a little precome out of his tip and rubs it around Jared’s, already swollen, rim.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…Jensen, please.” The sensation is too much for Jared he has never in his life felt this turned on, this needy for something he’s never had before.

With a tilt of his hips Jensen pushes through the vice like ring of Jared’s hole, “Fuck baby, you’re so fucking tight, oh fuck, jesus don’t move, oh god.”

Taking a few deep breaths Jared hesitantly pushes his hips back, needing to get more of Jensen in him.

“Easy baby, oh Christ, you are so fucking tight Jared, oh fuck, feels amazing, so fucking good, yeah baby boy work yourself back.”

It burns a little and Jared can’t honestly say that at the moment it’s pleasurable but he continues to force more of Jensen’s fat cock into his virgin hole. The pressure eases a little as another inch disappears, “Fuck, so full Jen, I’m so full.”

Jensen pulls at Jared’s cheeks, exposing his stretched opening to the room, the cool air kisses it and Jared shudders. Jensen uses his thumbs to pull the pucker a little wider and slides in the last remaining inches.

Leaning over Jared, Jensen grips onto his shoulder and pants heavily into his ear.

“So fucking good baby Jay, your hot little hole was made for my cock, can you feel the way I fill you up so good baby?”

A moan escapes Jared’s lips and he squeezes the muscles in his ass, Jensen groans and shudders, “Too much baby, give me a second.”

Their combined breaths fill the room, Jensen pushes himself upright and starts to slowly thrust shallowly into Jared’s tight hole.

“Yes, more Jen, please more fuck me, oh god, harder, please need to feel you.”

Jensen doesn’t need more encouragement than that, using one hand he pushes Jared’s head to the pillows and his other grips the younger man’s skinny hip. He’s gonna cause some bruises but Jensen doesn’t care, his hips rock quickly back and forth, pounding into Jared’s puckered entrance.

“Oh fuck, Jay baby, not gonna last much longer your so fucking tight, let me help you.”

Jensen goes to grab Jared’s cock, but his hand is swatted away, “No don’t, I wanna come on your cock alone.” Jared declares.

“Fuck me, jesus you are gonna be the death of me baby Jay.” Jensen changes the angle of his hips, and slows his thrusts until the only sound in the room is the slap of skin against skin and the shaky inhalation of Jared’s breath.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh god, fuck…fuck…ahhhh…fu..ckkkkkkk.” Jared’s orgasm roars through his body, he instinctively clenches down on Jensen’s cock and it’s all too much pressure. Jensen throws his head back and groans deeply and he comes in thick ropes deep inside Jared’s ass. Jared’s hole quivers and twitched, pulling more and more come from Jensen’s overly sensitive dick.

They both collapse forward onto the bed at the same time, Jensen’s a delicious, sweaty weight on Jared’s back. Jensen moves his head to cover Jared’s and whispers, “You were perfect baby Jay, my prefect baby Jay.”

It takes only a few minutes for Jared to realize that Jensen has fallen to sleep on top and still inside of him. “Fuck.” Jared mutters to himself.

Without moving Jensen too much, Jared manages to arrange them so that Jensen is spooning him, yes still buried in Jared’s ass, hey this will all be over in the morning and Jared is gonna take what he can. His ass feels sore, but the post orgasmic buzz is still pulsing through his body, he drifts to sleep thinking of sparkly green eyes and that whiskey rough voice.

[Part Three](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/3883.html)  



	3. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you guys want more of pregnant Jared all alone in the world? I was thinking of maybe doing a whole chapter on the pregnancy and birth, what do you think? Thanks for reading :)}

  
  


There is a faint buzzing sound creeping into Jared’s ears, but the soft comforter and the squishy perfect pillows are too tempting to leave. Hang on a minute Jared doesn’t have comfy pillows, and his sheets aren’t this soft, what the…

The thud of two feet leaving the bed stir Jared even closer to consciousness; _‘Shit Jensen Ackles fucked me last night, and I’m currently naked in Jensen Ackles’ bed. Ok Jared, don’t panic let’s just stay calm, oh shit he’s talking on the phone.’_

“Baby, of course I miss you, the bed feels so empty when you aren’t here…I know, yeah I know, me too. I wish I could baby, but you know I can’t just fly to Atlanta, it doesn’t work like that I have network shit to do here.”

Jared opens one eye, watches Jensen pace back and forth on the balcony, he must’ve thought he’d closed the door, but there’s maybe half an inch gap. Jared can hear everything; he really wishes he couldn’t hear everything. Fuck he knew this was too good to be true.

“Oh Eva, baby, baby Eva, don’t be like that you know I would be there if I could. Of course I’m lonely too, miss you so much…well I miss your beautiful face, your sexy legs, I miss your voice, that mouth of yours, miss your lips, I miss that thing you can do with your tongue, baby you trying to get me riled up when I only got my hand for company.”

_‘Oh sweet jesus, Jensen Ackles is a fucking prick, a fucking beautiful, amazing lay but a prick who should go to hell, oh fuck, ok Jared you are going to get your things and walk out of here right this sec…oh shit he’s coming back in, quick pretend to be asleep.’_

Jensen’s footsteps are light on the floor, his phone clicks shut and he places it gently on the bedside table. Softly he lifts the covers and snuggles back against Jared, his body is chilled from the morning air.

“Hey baby Jay, you awake yet, baby.” He purrs into Jared’s ear.

“Ummm…” Jared panics, how the fuck did he get himself into this mess, if he gets angry now he’ll look ridiculous, but he can’t possible pretend like he didn’t just over hear Jensen practically having phone sex with his fucking girlfriend. _‘Oh fuck Jensen is licking my ear, oh Christ his hand is on my…”_

“Ummm, morning Jensen.”

“Baby Jay been dreaming about you all night, wanna fuck you again, let me baby.” Jensen’s hand has moved to between Jared’s ass cheeks, his middle finger softly tapping Jared’s sore pucker.

“Fffuck…Jen, I dunno I um I feel kinda sore…um maybe I should just go?” Jared tries, he really does, unfortunately for Jared, Jensen has another idea.

The comforter is flipped off them both; Jensen pushes Jared’s thighs apart and leans over to lap at Jared’s sensitive hole.

“Make is all better for you baby Jay, ummm gonna lick you better.”

“Oh sweet lord above, do that again, please.”

Jensen smirks to himself before proceeding to suck, lick and fuck Jared with his tongue. Once Jared is a writhing mess of a man, strung out and needy Jensen fucks into him again, taking him bare and slowly.

Jared leaves Jensen’s apartment two hours later, fucked out and utterly humiliated; Jensen gave him a line about them having fun but him not being in a place in his life where he wanted commitment, he slapped Jared on the ass and showed him the door.

6 weeks later

Jared had thrown up for the seventh time this morning, something was definitely wrong, he knew something was up; he also knew he was late, though he’d not thought too much about it. Male menstruation and pregnancies were so rare, at fifteen his family doctor had said that the chances of Jared actually getting pregnant were almost impossible, hell he’d only ever had one proper period and that was years ago, the rest we’re just the hormonal swings but nothing more, hence he wasn’t producing eggs right, Jared wasn’t pregnant, no way.

Susie his make up girl and his best friend on set, sat the paper bag down in front of him. “Now or never cutiepie, let’s see if you’ve got a bun in that fine looking oven of yours.”

“Shut up Susie, jesus so not a time to joke.” Jared scrubbed his hand over his face; he emptied the bag onto the couch. “You bought EIGHT kits!”

“Please JT you check the lock four times before actually leaving and you have a rectal thermometer because you, I quote, ‘think it gives you the most accurate and efficient reading,’ like hell you were gonna be happy with just one test.”

Jared huffs, fine so maybe he was a little bit of a control freak, no need for Susie to be so goddamn smug about it.

“Fine.”

Fifteen minutes and eight pee-soaked sticks later Jared is pretty damn sure he is most definitely pregnant. He is also sobbing like a baby into Susie’s long black braids.

“What the fuck am I gonna do Susie, I can’t go home, but I can’t stay here, I’ll be a freak. That queer kid from the Glimore Girls that got pregnant, jesus what are they gonna do write a story line where Rory fucks me up the ass with a strap on so we can have a kid. I’m so fucking screwed.”

“Oh JT don’t get upset it’s ok you’ve got options, we’ll go see a doctor in the morning, see what we can do hey baby, don’t cry.”

Jared sniffs and kisses her on the forehead, “Thank you so much, I’d be so lost without you.”

“Don’t I know it cutiepie, you’d still be pretending you were a straight boy and wearing those god awful clothes if it weren’t for me. Don’t you worry your pretty little head none, we’ll sort it out.”

Present Day

“Eli, hey baby boy wake up, we’re at our new place, look at it baby, isn’t it beautiful.”

A very sleepy little Eli lifts his head from his daddy’s strong shoulder, and rubs at his eyes.

“We in ‘couver now Daddy, forever?”

“Yep baby boy we sure are, look at those mountains baby boy, what d’ya think, we gonna climb them one day soon?”

“Yay, we’re gonna climb the mountains, mountains, mountains. We’re gonna climb the mountains all day long.” Eli sings mostly to himself.

Jared sets him down and he runs off to the window to trace the lines they’re going to climb.

“Ok Jared, I’ve told them to place your luggage in your bedrooms, I also took the liberty of unpacking most of the boxes you sent ahead, all the ones marked private I left in your study. The refrigerator is full and I’ve left a couple of maps with local shops and a park marked on them. Oh I also left a couple of flyers about daycare and nannies if you need them.”

“Thank you so much Lydia, you are wonderful.” Jared pulls her into a hug.

Jared gets three days to settle in, he takes Eli to the park everyday and pushes him on the swings, Kripke phones him every day just to check in and make sure he’s settling in ok. Jared doesn’t think about Jensen not once, nope never. He never thinks about the fact that he has just signed a two-year contract that means he’ll be working every single day, nine months a year with the unknowing father of his child, the man that took his virginity, fucked him and dumped him within 24 hours and is still the only man Jared has ever slept with, nope Jared is definitely not thinking about any of that.

“Daddy when I am done swinging can we go get ic’ceem, please I want some, can we?”

“Sorry baby what did you say?”

“IC’CEEM DADDY!” Eli shouts.

“OK, ok, baby boy no need to shout, Daddy was just miles away, sorry.”

They walk hand in hand to the ice cream parlour, it’s quickly become Eli’s favourite place, they have about fifty different flavours to choose from and one of them is bright blue.

Jared is holding Eli up so he can make his decision when Jared spots him sat outside the café next door is Jensen Ackles, he’s on his phone (how appropriate) and he is laughing like he just heard the funniest damn thing in the world. Jared feels like he’s stopped breathing, he all but drops Eli to the floor and just turns to stare at Jensen, watching him sit there, talking and laughing and existing like not a day has gone past.

A hard yank to his shirtsleeve rips Jared from his trance, “Daddy you dropped me and I hadn’t chosed yet.”

“Sorry baby, sorry daddy thought he saw someone. You haven’t chosen huh, well let’s see, you had the bubblegum yesterday but you said it didn’t taste right, why don’t you try the raspberry and chocolate one I had?”

Jared frantically tries to focus on his son, he turns his back to where Jensen is sitting and glares into that ice cream cabinet like it holds all the answers in the universe.

“Sir, um sorry sir…have you chosen, it’s just I got three people waiting in line?” The acne covered teenage server asks.

“Oh gosh, please serve them first um, we might be here a while.” Luckily for Jared, Eli takes ice cream flavours very seriously, he’s currently counting the chocolate chips in the cookie dough and comparing them with the thirty-six chocolate chips he counted in the mint choc-chip, he is blissfully unaware of his fathers minor emotional breakdown.

Jared whips out his phone, ignoring the fact that this is going to cost him a goddamn fortune, he calls Sandy, praying that she picks up.

“Jay are you ok, is Eli ok?”

“Sandy, we’re fine, fine…um sorry I know you’re probably at work, are you at work shit I didn’t think…I’ll let you go.”

“Jay sush, it’s my day off I was just doing some laundry, it’s ok, what’s wrong?”

“I saw him, in fact I can see him, he’s sat at the café next door and he looks so goddamn beautiful, I can’t do this Sand. I thought it would be different I thought maybe I was over him, after everything that happened I would be angry or I’d hate him, but I’m not, I don’t, I still want him. I can’t do it, I’ll have to phone Eric, back out, lose the money.”

“Jared stop it, you need to stop that right away, we talked about this, you aren’t doing this for you, this isn’t about you Jayby, it’s about Eli, it’s about you making Eli’s future secure and getting him out of this god awful town and our moldy apartment ok. So you take a deep breath and look into my Eli-booboo’s eyes and tell yourself that you can do this. OK!”

Jared does as he’s told, he looks down at his son who is still counting the chocolate chips and practically drooling with excitement, and he takes a deep breath.

“Ok, ok Sandy I can do that, oh jesus, ok. Thank you Sand, so much.”

“Auntie Sandy, gimme gimme…Hey Sandy I miss you, daddies been so moody, you know his moody face, well he does it all the time, but it’s ok Lydia has been organizing us and making sure we are ok. She’s not my Auntie though so I still love you more. I gotta go coz I’m choosing ic’ceem…love you too.”

With that Eli ends the call and hands the phone back to his dad. Jared chuckles, his son is the best thing that ever happened to him, he’s so goddamn clever and ridiculously beautiful, it takes Jared’s breath away how much love he feels for that little boy. He pulls Eli up into a big bear hug and kisses all over his face. “Err daddy you gots slobber on me…quick the people have gone, let’s order!”

When Jared finally pays and takes the first lick of his triple chocolate cone Jensen’s table is empty just a half finished coffee and a newspaper left behind.

  
{Author's note: So do you guys want more of pregnant Jared all alone in the world? I was thinking of maybe doing a whole chapter on the pregnancy and birth, what do you think? Thanks for reading :)}

[Part Four...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/4127.html)   



	4. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Four

  
  


The clock next to Jared’s bed clicks over to 5am silently, Jared has been awake since 11.37 pm, and has watched the hours count down. His stomach is tied into a tight ball and he’s head is thumping with the lack of sleep. This is going to be some first day.

He showers and washes his teeth without really registering what he’s doing, his outfit is already picked out. Sandy and Susie sorted it all out. “Oh honey we are gonna make you look so good, that fucker ain’t gonna know what hit him.” They’d chosen well, Jared pulls on his dark indigo, tight fitting jeans that sit just below the ankle; he sprays his torso with his favourite aftershave and shrugs on his tight ribbed wife-beater. The shirt they’d picked is a light plaid, way more fitted than he’d ever normally dare to dress in. It’s aged to look as if he’s been wearing it for years, he remembers Susie’s strict instructions, “Y’all gotta just tuck in one side baby, make sure everyone can see that big ol’belt buckle of yours. Now David Beckham wears his shirts like this and I ain’t never met one man or woman that don’t wanna ride that boy all night long.”

Jared stands back to look at himself in the mirror. He feels ridiculous, objectively he can see that he ‘looks good’, but he just wants to pull on the baggy jeans and oversized ‘Texas U’ tee he’s pretty much been wearing since Eli was born.

He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his damp hair, it’s now or never, he can do this, and he has to for Eli.

Lydia is waiting for him at the breakfast bar; they had decided that until he could find suitable daycare that she would stay with Eli whilst Jared worked. Jared feels ok with this decision, he’s grown to trust, and like, the slightly odd but friendly Brit in the short time he’s known her. Plus she’d shown him her full police check and forced him to have a slightly awkward and stilted conversation with her very British mother over the phone before she let him agree to her looking after the little boy.

“Wow Jared you look, um, wow, blimey you look really good.” Lydia pretends to fan herself to stop from fainting. Jared blushes at the attention; he’s not use to it at all.

“Um, thanks Lyd, I, um, I wanna make a good impression.”

“That you will Sir, sorry did you say good or HOT.” She giggles and kisses his cheek.

“Go say bye to your baby, the car will be here in a minute.”

The driver is a friendly guy and has Jared chatting so much that he almost forgets what awaits him, but as they approach the rehearsal space there’s no ignoring the sick feeling creeping into his stomach.

In an almost comical reenactment of their first meeting, Jared finds himself stood alone in the corner of their rehearsal room. Though this time he’s only nursing a latte and he’s no longer a scrawny boy, he weighs closer to 220lbs of pure muscle.

After Eli was born Jared started to work out, it was his one hobby and the only thing he could do to work through all the shit that happened to him. The plus side of that is he’s built like a brick shit house. No longer the skinny, scrawny Jared Padalecki, nope he’s not the twenty-year-old twink that Jensen fucked over. That’s exactly what he’s telling himself as someone approaches him from the side.

“You look might lonely over here Sasquatch.”

Jared doesn’t have to look over to know its Jensen. Jared takes a gulp of his coffee, gives himself a second to compose his face and turns to face Jensen.

“Hey there.” He says. ‘Short and sweet Padalecki, smooth start.’ Jared berates himself. As Jensen runs his eyes up and down the length of Jared long body he introduces himself.

“I’m Jensen Ackles, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you before. You are?”

Jared has to physically hold himself up against the wall, his palm spreading wide to support his weight. He swallows back the scream he feels inside. Jensen Ackles does not remember him, Jensen ‘I fucked away your virginity’ Ackles has no freaking clue who Jared is. Jared, the man who carried Jensen’s baby for nine months, the man who gave up everything for their goddamn baby boy isn’t even worth remembering to Jensen.

Jared shakes his head and looks away. “I’m sorry I have to um, I have to go.”

Jared forces himself to walk, not run out of the busy room, he heads straight to the washroom and braces himself against the sink. He wills himself not to vomit.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck this isn’t happening, this isn’t real.”

He’s not sure now what he expected to happen, maybe an awkward moment of realization on Jensen’s face, maybe a friendly ‘wow this is weird’ speech, but never, ever did Jared think Jensen wouldn’t even recognize him. For sure Jared looks a little different, but only in that nearly four years have passed and he’s been through a lot, he’s not a completely different fucking person.

He splashes cold water on his face and tries the breathing technique Sandy taught him, the same one he used when giving birth to his baby. Deep, cleansing breaths, he closes his eyes and tries to calm himself down.

As he walks back into the room Jared clenches his fists and tries to picture Eli’s beautiful, innocent little face. Jensen is chatting to Kripke, once a couple of people walk away Eric spots Jared and immediate signals for him to join them.

“Jared, this is Jensen, the Dean to your Sam. Jensen this is Jared Padalecki the actor I’ve been so excited for you to meet. Our wonderful saviour, our last minute casting, I’m sorry I didn’t get the details to you sooner, I know you’ve been anxious to meet your ‘brother’.”

A flicker of recognition flashes across Jensen’s otherwise perfect features, as he reaches across to shake Jared’s hand.

“Have we met before, I feel like I’ve heard your name somewhere?” Jared can’t work out whether this is Jensen playing dumb, or Jensen genuinely not remembering that night and um, morning they spent together.

“I, a, I was in the Glimore Girls, um I used to hang around with some of the CW crew for a while, but um not for a few years now. Um it’s nice to a meet you Jensen.”

Jared takes a breath; tries to school his emotions, not show too much on his expressive face.

“Oh that must be it, those awful network parties they throw. It’s an incestuous damn circle down there.” Jensen and Kripke laugh at the joke, they laugh too hard and for too long, like someone is trying to break the tension. Jared just forces a smile and makes an excuse to go talk to someone, anyone else.

After a morning of introductions, Jared skillfully avoiding Jensen and yet more coffee it’s decided that the boys should run their first scene together. Jared feels like a nervous wreck, he’s all jumbled up inside. He pulls himself together and realizes that he can use this, all the anger, frustration, pain and maddening lust, and channel it into Sam. Every time Jensen uses his goddamn cocky smile, easy flirtatious lines and every time he touches or bumps into Jared’s body, Jared uses all those emotions that flood through his body.

The scene takes on a life of it’s own. It’s the two of them in the middle of a circle of plastic chairs, with producers, writers and directors sat around and there isn’t one goddamn sound apart from the two of them reuniting and fighting as brothers for the first time.

Jared says the last line of the scene, chest heaving and palms sweaty, and Jensen looks in no better shape. Kripke eventually stands up and finds his voice, “Oh my god, that was just, oh man we have struck gold, wow guys, just WOW.” There are congratulations and approvals muttered throughout the audience, a few people come up to them both slapping their backs and shaking their hands.

“Well excellent first day, I mean, that was just amazing guys, thank you so much. A first season just like that and we are golden. OK everyone, that’s a wrap on day one, go home get some sleep, see your families because for the next eight months, all of us are going to be eating, breathing, and sleeping, Sam and Dean, Jared and Jensen.”

Jared almost groans out loud at that remark. Kripke come over, slaps them both of the back and walks out the door, talking excitedly on his cell phone.

“Um, wow man, that was intense, the way you just became Sam, I mean wow. I just cannot believe it that was so fucking intense. I tested with some other guy and he got none of that anger and pain, and that angst, wow Jared you were made to play Sam. So full of angst, you gotta let me know how you did it, where d’you find it?”

A half laugh, half sob escapes from Jared’s chest, he scrubs his hand tiredly across his forehead.

“If only you knew, jesus, if only.” Jared lets a shy smile creep across his face. Jensen mistakes this for a sort of embarrassed, humble kind of smile, the smile of someone that cannot admit they’ve done a good job. Though Jared knows it’s because his brain cannot fathom in the slightest just how fucked up this all is, that stupid question from Jensen’s lips and the infuriating look on his face that says they’ve shared a joke, they’ve shared a secret.

Suddenly Jared is too exhausted to deal with any of it, he roughly slaps Jensen’s shoulder in a kind of goodbye and leaves the man slightly bewildered and alone in the middle of the room. Jared cannot deal with him anymore today.

Over the next few weeks of rehearsal Jared get’s very, very good at acting, he’s acting virtually twenty-four hours a day. The only time he feels anything like his real self is when Eli is near him. Like at this moment, Eli’s curled up in his lap pointing at the words on the page and waiting for Jared to tell him what they say.

“Daddy.” Eli interrupts Jared mid sentence. “I love Lydia, though not as much as I love you or Auntie Sandy or Susie. I love you the best.”

“Thank you baby, that’s very nice to hear.” Jared smiles, “I love you too baby.” He kisses Eli’s soft blonde hair.

“No Daddy that wasn’t what I was saying, I mean I love all of you, but, well today on Sesame Street Elmo was talking about families, and he said that most little kids have two parents, like a Mommy and a Daddy, or sometimes two Daddies or two Mommies. I ask-ded Lydia how come I’ve only got a Daddy and she said that she couldn’t answer that but I had to ask-ded you, so Daddy why are you only one Daddy?”

Eli’s little face scrunches up like he’s trying to work out the hardest puzzle he’s ever seen, Jared’s heart breaks into a thousand tiny shards. He knew that this question would come, but he honestly hadn’t expected his three-year-old to be asking it. Maybe at six, even ten but three, shesh give him a break Eli.

“Oh baby boy, oh man how do I even explain this to you…um…” As Jared is frantically racking his brain to think of a good explanation his cell phone rings, without looking at the caller he picks up and smugly thinks to himself, ‘Saved by the bell.”

“Hello.”

“Um hey Jared, it’s um, it’s Jensen.”

Jared’s smug face drops off the side of the earth, a vague look of terror occupies its place.

“Oh Jensen, um why are you calling me?”

“Look I don’t know how to say this without just being blunt, but um, I can’t do this. We have this crazy chemistry together when we are rehearsing, it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and it’s just so amazing and I feel like everyone around us is ‘vibing’ off the our energy.” Jared cringes at the use of the word ‘vibing’, jesus, the father of his baby is such a freaking douche. He rolls his eyes and pulls a face at Eli, who in turn pulls a funny face at him, before going back to his book.

“But…”Jensen continues, “once the scene is called it’s like you shut down, you never talk to me between scenes, and you run off to your dressing room. I’m just not the kinda of guy that doesn’t take that personally Jared. I mean what is it, do I smell or something?” Jensen’s nervous laughter crackles over the phone and Jared feels a pang of discomfort, maybe even guilt. He has been avoiding Jensen, like the plague in fact, but he can’t function any other way.

The second day of rehearsals Jensen had sat next to him at lunch and tried to start up a conversation. A fucking conversation about the CW and goddamn network parties, how he was ‘kinda wild back then’ and did a lot of things he wouldn’t do now. Jared just panicked he couldn’t do this, not at work. He couldn’t talk to Jensen about the wild days, about Jensen getting off his face and fucking random people, doing things, _people_ he regrets. So Jared had done the mature thing and frozen Jensen out, he was polite but never friendly, he was civil but never socialized. Kripke had called him out on it, but Jared assured him it was just the way he worked and that he found socializing with the cast swayed his on screen performance too much. From that day on Jared just hide away and acted like Jared Padalecki, a twenty-three-year old slightly anti-social actor.

“Um I’m, um, sorry you feel that way Jensen, I assure you it’s nothing personal. I um, just find that it’s easy for me to stay in character if I don’t socialize too much with my cast mates. I apologize if I’ve offended you in anyway.” Jared thinks he sounds convincing, he’s pretty sure he’d believe himself were the tables turned.

“No, no, no, I’m not buying that Jared, no way that’s true. Kripke was recommended you by one of your Glimore Girls crew, and I gotta be honest as good as you are I can’t believe this anti-social, ‘I’m a thespian, leave me alone’ shit would fly with them.”

Jared cannot believe his ears, ‘anti-social’, ‘thespian shit’, just who does Jensen fucking Ackles think he is. Letting his mouth fall open, Jared gapes a couple of times trying to find the right words; the sentence that will shut this rude, obnoxiously forward, ridiculously hot, _on stay on track Jared_ , this rude jackass up.

Unfortunately his silence only convinces Jensen that he is right, without much of a pause he resumes his line of thought.

“So no way Jared, I’m not letting you off that easy. We’re going to break through this thing and you and me are gonna be buddies, ok? I won’t take no for an answer, you, me, tomorrow night I know this great place down on Main, good beer, fat steaks, us Texan boys gotta stick together.”

Jared is just formulating a polite, yet dismissive reply when the dial tone pierces through his ear.

“Daddy who was on your phone, you made a funny face like that fish we sawed at the aquarium on Saturday.” Eli proceeds to do an impression of the guppy fish they’d seen, cracking himself up and giggling for a good few minutes.

  
{This has become a bit of a beast, I promise I'll get to the angsty pregnancy and birth and Jared's pain, then maybe even some sexy times, who knows? Thank you so much for reading, comments = LOVE :) }

[Part Five...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/4373.html)   



	5. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Five

Warning: Graphic birth scene, swearing and general angst to the max, Emo Jared ahead!  
  


Jared had put Eli to bed, once he was sure his little man was out like a light Jared had poured himself a double whiskey on the rocks. He was now sat on the patio listening to Susie’s answer phone message for a third time.

“Hey Soos, I know it’s Thursday and I know that means it’s cheap drinks at the Palace, and I realize you are probably already shit faced, but if you get a minute give me a call, I just um something came up and I could really do with a chat.” Jared ends the call and looks at his phone, he’d already tried Sandy, but on the fourth attempt he’d realized she was at work, it was her nightshift at the hospital.

Not really having anyone else to call he tries Lydia’s number, at the sound of her soft, warm hello Jared breaks down a little.

“Lyd, I, um, I could really do with a chat are you busy?”

“Oh Jared, what’s up? Hang on I’m actually just at BC liquor give me a minute, I’ll be round bearing gifts of rouge.”

Twenty minutes later Jared hears the click of the screen door opening, Lydia folds into the empty side of the swing seat and hands him a large glass of red wine.

“What’s up sugar tits?” She says with a sympathetic smile.

Jared snorts at the nickname and kisses her forehead, he whispers thanks before taking a big gulp of wine.

“Do you want the long story or the short one?” He asks.

“Well my darling I’ve just spent a small fortune on wine, god damn Canadian government, and I’ve bought out the ‘nice blanket’, so I think I’m good with the long story. Take your time.”

Jared looks at her with sorrowful eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Blimey, hang on I’ll go grab the other bottle, this could take a while.”

Once she’s back Jared tells her about meeting Jensen all those years ago, he glosses over the exact details of their night together but tells just enough so she gets the gist.

“Oh my GOD, Jensen Ackles is Eli’s father, he’s the green eyed beauty…OH MY GOD! What a bastard! Oh the next time I see him…”

“He doesn’t know Lyd, please, don’t get angry, I…I never told him.” Jared looks down at the glass in his hand and swirls the wine.

“Oh baby, what happened to you?”

Early February 2002

Jared was six months pregnant. He was sat in the head offices of the CW, his manager, Tracey, on one side and Susie on the other, holding his hand tightly.

“Jared, we are sorry to see you go, but we can’t possibly continue with you in the role of Dean. I mean we’re a family show Jared, not a freak show; we can’t have a pregnant boy on the show, and look at you. No offense Jared but I mean you look, well you look like a joke.”

Jared lets out a sob, this isn’t anything he didn’t already know. Christ he’s seen himself in the mirror; he’s seen himself naked. His obscene swollen belly just jutting out of his freakishly long, slim frame. Up until Christmas he’d been able to hide his bump with baggy t-shirts and hoodies, but now even his larger clothing clings ridiculously to his stomach.

He’d gone on the Christmas hiatus with only Susie and Sandy knowing about his baby, but once January had arrived he’d called his manager to confess. She’d been so good about it all, making sure no one saw him, arranging a private meeting with the bosses at CW.

It had been decided that the role of Dean would be recast; the director was already contacting Tom Welling’s management trying to call in a favour, at least to see out the end of the season. A press release would be issued just stating that creative differences had led to Jared being let go and that they were all on good terms and wished him well.

It was quick, efficient and clean, it was like Jared had never been there. His dirty little secret was safe but he no longer had a place in Hollywood if he wanted it to stay safe.

After saying his goodbyes to Tracey and packing up his small apartment, Jared waits for Susie to come pick him up in her truck.

“JT baby hop on in, the weather is fine and we are going on a road trip.” Susie smiles at him from the drivers seat and pulls at her trucker cap.

“God you’re such a geek Soos, how am I gonna survive a whole trip with you.”

“Oh baby we’re off to Texas, you’ll wanna survive because they ain’t seen nothing like me.” She toots the horn for effect, before getting out and helping Jared hoist his large frame into the passengers seat.

Jared is nervous; unfortunately the long, slow ride home has afforded him plenty of time to think. His parents aren’t aware of his current situation, in fact the last they heard Jared was living the high life in Hollywood; his last public appearance had been in September. He’d been photographed at an event chatting with his good friend Sophia, but the papers had spun it like they were practically married. His parents couldn’t have been happier, he’d let them believe the lies, and it was just easier that way.

“JT they’ll be ok with it, they love you and they’ll love that little guy too, stop worrying I can hear your brain churning from here.”

Jared rubs his large palm over his belly, he feels the little dude roll around and squirm. His baby freaking loves car journeys can never stay still once they’re in a car. Jared finds it reassuring; at least someone’s enjoying himself.

It’s seven in the evening when they pull up to the Padalecki residence, he can just about make out the glow from the TV set, his old buddy Rudy is sleeping on the porch, golden tail twitching with a dream. Jared feels a wave of relief wash over him; he’s home, he’s safe now.

The hallway light comes on and he sees his Mama open the front door.

“JT is that you, what are you doing here, oh Susie, how nice of you to come visit too.” “Hey Mama, thought I could do with a little rest from Hollywood.” Jared calls from the truck. Susie squeezes his hand before pushing the door open. She hugs Mrs Padalecki then comes round to help Jared.

“Susie sweetheart what are you doing, JT can get out of the truck, your not hurt are you JT, what’s all this fuss?” His Mama’s face floods with concern, Jared has to look away as he comes round the side of the truck, he can’t stand to see the love turn into something else.

“Oh my, oh my…oh, oh Jared what have you done? Jared how could you do this to us?” His Mama bursts into tears and falls to her knees.

Within seconds his father is at the front door and then at his wife’s side.

“What in Lords name is going on, JT why are yo…Oh good lord, oh my…oh dear Lord, Jared what is the meaning of this son, what have, who did…um quick come inside before anyone sees you.”

His father helps up with mama, Susie grips tighter onto Jared’s hand. “Please don’t leave me Soos, this isn’t going to end well.” Jared says sadly.

Once safely behind closed doors Jared father let’s rip.

“What in Gods name have you done Jared, how could you have done this to us? We talked about this; we got this sorted out when you were fifteen, boy. How could you so cruelly throw your Mothers and my love back in our faces? I will not have any son of mine pregnant. How could you Jared?”

His mother sits at the dining room table sobbing into her hands, whilst his father paces back and forth.

“You disgust me Jared, we taught you better than this, you…you…you filthy little whore.”

“Gerry please, please don’t call my son…oh god, my baby, Jared how could you.”

His mama’s tears become almost hysterical taking breath after painful breath.

Susie attempts to intervene, “Please Mr and Mrs Padalecki, please hear Jared out, he’s had a really hard few months, if you’ll just hear what he has to say.”

“Shut your mouth up young lady, we have tried Lord knows we’ve tried, we thought that maybe if we let Jared be friends with a girl like you, with a lesbian.” Gerry’s face twists in disgust at the word. “With a girl of your persuasion, maybe it would be enough, we didn’t want to push him away, the pastor told us to accept you, that although you were bound for Hell we could maybe save Jared. Now though, there is no saving him now, he is as good as dead to us. Please leave, both of you, please get off our property, your kind are not welcome here.”

“NO, please Daddy no, don’t do this, I made a mistake, just one mistake that’s all, I can change I’ll never touch or look at a boy again, I’ll never ever do anything bad again. Please don’t do this you’re all I’ve got, please.”

“Jared the one mistake we allowed you was when you kissed that boy in our back yard,” Gerry scrubs a hand over his forehead, “I should’ve beaten it out of you then. I cannot do it now, even though I will not acknowledge that child as any relation of mine, I will not kill an innocent, though I fear his soul is lost too. No child made from sin can ever be saved. Please leave Jared, you are upsetting my wife and I do not want the neighbors to witness any unpleasantness.”

Gerry stands behind his wife, one hand planted on her shoulder. Panicking Jared falls to his knees in front of his mother, clinging to her lap and begging for forgiveness.

“Mama, mama, mama, please don’t leave me, I’m so scared, I can’t do this by myself, I need you. I need your help, I’m so sorry, I’ll never leave the house no one will ever see me but I can’t do this alone, please Mama, please.”

Jared’s mother turns her body away from her son trying to make Jared let go of her. Gerry steps forward, swings his hand round to slap Jared across the cheek, Jared stumbles to the side clutching his face.

“No don’t you dare touch him.” Susie shouts, standing between Jared and his father.

“Come on Jared baby, let’s get out of here, there’s nothing left for you here. I’ve got you baby, we’ll be ok.”

Gerry glares at the pair of them, his nostrils flaring with anger.

“Get out of my house, you freaks, you faggot, get out and never, ever come back.”

Jared stumbles into Susie’s arms and out of the door; he can hear his mother sobbing and his father chanting ‘Dead to us, no son of mine’ over and over.

They sleep in the truck that night, parked in the lot of a run down factory. The next day Jared calls Sandy in tears. Jared and Susie move into Sandy’s small apartment in the dubious end of San Antonio. Jared begs Susie to go back to her life in LA, but she refuses to leave until she meets the little guy. Most days Jared can barely be bothered to get off of the sofa bed, it’s only when Susie threatens him with a bucket of water that he moves.

“Come on JT, I know life is pretty shitty at the moment, but hey you are sharing an apartment with two hot ladies and soon this little guy is gonna come say hi. It could be worse.” She rubs at Jared’s belly and jostles him towards the bathroom. He hasn’t washed for a couple of days and at nearly eight months pregnant, he’s pretty sweaty and gross all the time. Plus his nipples are really swollen and kind of leaky too, but he’s just been ignoring it, it can’t think about any of this.

Sandy has left out a fresh set of sweats and a hoodie, as well as a copy of “What to expect when you’re expecting: Male Edition”, she’s read through it. Affixed throughout are sticky notes and flags on pages he should read. When he spots it he bursts into tears.

“You two are so fucking good to me and I don’t deserve it. I’m just scum, I’m just a fucking faggot who was stupid enough to get fucked and get pregnant, I should be alone rotting somewhere, where my parents never had to see me so looking so revolting.”  Jared pulls at his robe trying and failing to cover his swollen belly.

“Don’t you ever, ever say that JT, you are one of the most beautiful, caring and sweetest boys I have ever met. You are so much better than your evil parents, don’t you ever believe a word they said.” Susie says gripping Jared’s head between her hands, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

The three of them create a safe little bubble in which the baby can grow. Susie uses up her vacation days and also calls in a favour with her obscenely rich and permanently absent father, so they have money to cover them for all the essentials, Jared promises he’ll pay her back but she just waves her hand and asks for godmother status. It’s Friday night, they are all sat around the living room, Sandy has Jared’s head in her lap and is stroking his head softly, and the girls are sharing a bottle of wine, they are just tipsy enough to find everything funny. ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is playing in the background and when the infamous orgasm scene comes on the conversation naturally turns to sex.

“Oh god I need to get laid,” Susie moans whilst stuffing a slice of pizza into her face.

“Tell me about it baby, between my job and you three, no offense,” Sandy rubs over Jared’s belly as she says it. “I haven’t even gotten myself off in like two months.”

“I can help you out if you like baby girl, I’m real good.” Susie says with a wink and a giggle.

“Please you two, I am too sober and too pathetic for this conversation, I’m like the freaking Virgin Mary here.”

“Oh I’m sorry Mr Mary Padalecki, I’m pretty sure this little dude got there by Jensen ‘I’m the biggest douchebag that ever walked the earth’ Ackles sticking his cock up your ass and plowing you good, so don’t you go playing the coy little virgin with me young man.” Susie wags her finger at Jared, gently tapping at his belly.

Jared cracks up at that, and at the ridiculousness of her statement.

“Oh girls my life is such a mess, I wish I’d never seen that stupid boy, if only I’d never let him near me.” Jared’s face turns gloomy with the memories, and he looks on the brink of tears.

“Nope, Jayby, we said no more tears over that boy, ok, he is a dick and a loser and you do not need that hot mess in your life. OK? Look at me Jared, this baby is gonna be the best thing that ever happen to us three.” Sandy giggles and leans over to kiss Jared.

“Eww Sandy girls cooties, yuck, yuck, yuck. Now I have to wash my teeth.” Jared dramatically pulls his oversized frame off the couch and hobbles into the bathroom.’

“So rude Jared Padalecki, people would pay good money to kiss this mouth.” Sandy huffs.

“Amen sister.” Susie teases.

“Oh FUCK…guys I um, I think my water just broke.”

“OH MY GOD, Jesus, ok, ok, don’t panic, nobody panic, let’s just get you into my truck.”

“Susie, calm down, I’m gonna call an ambulance, we’ve had too much to drink to drive. Jared baby, just take some deep breaths, and lets get your bag together.” Like a magical nursing fairy Sandy shakes off any tipsiness and goes into nurse/birthing partner mode.

The ride to the hospital is embarrassing for Jared, male pregnancies are rare although his doctor has arranged for him to be admitted and the hospital are aware of his unusual case, the paramedics can’t stop looking at him. The crackle over the radio loudly announces his arrival too. There are a flurry of “Oh my gosh, what does he look like? How far along is he?” “Race you back I wanna take a look.” Sandy looks up and chastises both the paramedics, who have the decency to look ashamed. They promise her they will quietly and privately escort Jared to the awaiting room and doctor.

“Thanks Sandy,” Jared pants through his mask.

Susie has gone into a sort of shock, and is just clutching onto Jared and Sandy and awaiting further instruction.

Once they are safely in the hospital room, Dr Shai greets Jared.

“Hello Jared, I’ve been so looking forward to meeting you, Dr Reynolds has told me all about you, he’s on his way here now but as you know he lives a little further out of town.” Her smile is warm and friendly, but all Jared can muster is a polite nod as a contraction rips through his abdomen.

“Ok Sandy, I guess you are assisting me then, and you must be Susie, I’ve heard all about you from Sandy.”

“Hey, I’ll just be over here holding JT’s hand if y’all need me, I don’t need to see none of that nasty business down there.”

They’ve gotten Jared out of his clothes and Sandy is attempting to get him into a gown, when another contraction takes Jared by surprise. He buckles under the pain and falls forward only just catching himself on the edge of the bed. His legs spread wide and his butt sticking out, Jared howls into the pain and folds forward.

“Oh sweet lordy, I love you JT but I’ve never needed to see this much a’your cute little ass.” Susie yelps as she leaps over the bed to the other side.

Dr Shai giggles as she places a hand under Jared’s arm and tries to direct him onto the bed.

“Well done Jared you’re doing so well, that’s it, just breathe through it. I’ll order you some gas and air soon, that’ll take the edge off.”

“Tha…thank you doctor.” Jared pants, already looking exhausted.

“Call me Marley, please.” She squeezes Jared’s hand before leaving the room.

“Jayby, you want to put a gown on at all, cover you up a little bit.” Sandy tries.

“No, no I’m too hot, I feel gross already, don’t want a stupid gown, just want this to be over.” Jared sulks.

“I know baby, I know…alright we’ll just ignore your naked ass and pretend like Susie isn’t turning green with every flash of your man jewels.”

“Goddamn Sand, there is a reason I’m a lesbian, and those things hanging there, they play a significant part.” Susie fakes vomiting and goes back to mopping Jared’s slightly sweaty brow.

After about two hours of evenly spaced contractions and a fair amount of swearing, Dr Reynolds shows up. He’s flushed from running up the three flights of stairs to Jared’s room.

“Oh good, good I haven’t miss the main event. Jesus Jared, you’ve suddenly become an exhibitionist in the final hour.” The handsome doctor teases.

“Dr Ryan, you’re here, YAY! They’ve given me gas and air, I feel so much better now. And now you’re here, you’re so pretty Dr Ryan, not as pretty as Jensen, but still pretty. Oh I feel funny…oh no, here we go again.”

Jared’s face scrunches up and he pants through the next 60-second contraction.

“He’s doing really well Dr Reynolds, he’s dilated to about 3 cm, he’s looking good, and baby is in a lovely position.”

“Thank you Dr Shai, that’s great. Right I’m going to just get changed and looking a little more professional to greet the little guy, ladies, Jared if you’ll excuse me.”

Jared sighs, “Oh he’s so pretty, not as pretty as Jensen, but still I like him, and he’s so nice, so much nicer than Jensen. But he’s married, and he’s wife is so pretty. Am I pretty Sands?”

“Yes Jayby, you are the prettiest of all the girls.” Sandy and Susie giggle as Jared drifts off to sleep for a little while.

Unfortunately seventeen hours later Jared’s good mood and natural gas high have very much worn off.

“Come on Jared push, you need to push down for me there’s a good daddy.” Sandy is rubbing circles on Jared’s lower back, he’s currently on his hands and knees on the bed, Susie is manning the brow mopping station and handsome Dr Reynolds is at the business end.

“Errr, if hurts so fucking much, I hate the goddamn fucking baby, get the little bastard out of me, please…fucking Ackle’s I’m gonna fucking kill him if I ever see him again.”

“Arghhhhhhhh, fuck…fuck…fuck…”

“Ok Jared that’s it, I’m just going to feel around for baby’s head now, it’ll feel a little odd at first, but you’re looking pretty good down there you’re nice and dilated. Everything is going well.”

The doctor feels around the birthing hole, pushing gently at the rim, trying to stretch Jared out a little. Male pregnancy is quite different from women’s, the birthing hole will open only for childbirth and can be quite easily stretched for the baby, but complications usually arise when the baby is actually coming out. Death from internal bleeding is a high risk factor in men as so many different organs are being squashed and moved to accommodate the birth.

“There’s the head I can feel it with the tip of my finger, only a couple more pushes now and your little boy will be here Jared.”

“Get him out I just want him out, little fucker ruined my life, I hate him, I hate this, I can’t do this, just please help me.” Jared sobs into the white cotton sheets.

“Now JT you just stop with that. I have not sat here looking at your ugly as fuck junk and listened to you whine on and on for nearly twenty goddamn hours for you to give up now, that little boy is about to come into this world and he sure as hell deserves more than your foul language and negativity, so you shut your goddamn mouth and you push coz no Godson of mine is gonna be born under a black cloud.”

Jared sniffs loudly and looks up at Susie.

“Sorry, Susie, sorry…I’m just so tired. I just want it to be over, please.”

“It will be Jayby, you just gotta push, come on, on three…one…two…three.”

“Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…fuck…fuck…fuck.”

\- - -

Eli Jacob Padalecki is born at 7.23pm on Saturday the 27th of April 2002; he weighs 9lb 8oz and is 19.5 inches long. He is the single most beautiful thing Jared has ever seen, he screams his lungs out for a full twenty minutes after being born and it’s the sweetest sound Jared’s ever heard. Susie, Sandy, Dr Shai and handsome Dr Reynolds are all a little choked up, Jared is bawling like a baby; they are the first happy tears Jared’s ever cried.

When Eli is an hour old Jared starts bleeding, and at one hour and forty-eight minutes old Eli is an orphan for one minute and twenty-two seconds. Jared wakes up three days later, he’s hooked up to just about every machine the hospital has and he can’t remember anything but his baby’s face.  
  
[Part Six...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/4818.html)

  



	6. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Six

Quite wordy this one, feel like this story is growing and growing...hopefully you are still enjoying it, as always comments and suggestions are most definitely welcomed! x  
  


Lydia pulls away from the warmth of Jared’s body and turns to face him.

“Jesus Christ Jared! You died?!?”

“Um technically I did, but um truthfully don’t remember anything. All I remember is coming round and asking for Eli. They told me later than something happened up with the placenta and instead of falling away or something it must’ve been ripped. I dunno honestly I try not to think about it too much. Those months after Eli’s birth were hard on all of us. Not just the aftercare, but the medical bills, well put it this way I’m still paying for most of it.”

Jared ducks his head and swirls the last mouthful of wine in his glass.

“Oh Jared, you poor, poor thing, I just don’t know what to say. I mean how can you even look at Jensen, let alone work with him everyday?”

Jared lets out a snort, “Well I’m not really sure how I’m doing it, I just keep my head down and think about Eli. I’m only doing it for Eli. I was working the nightshift at Dominos for the first two and a half years of his life; Sandy and I barely made rent each month, so when I think about how fucked up everything is, I figure it’s better than going back to that, right?”

“I guess, but how are you coping? Does anyone else know?” Lydia looks concerned.

“Nope only Kripke, and you now, and I would really like to keep it that way. I can’t explain about Eli without explaining who and what I am, so for now people not knowing about him is just easier. You understand how important that is, Lyd?”

“Of course, of course.”

They both take a deep breath and look at each other before falling into a hug.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through all that Jared, no one deserves to be treated like you have been.”

“It’s ok, I’ve had Sandy and Susie with me every step of the way, and I got Eli out of the whole mess so I can’t stay mad about it.” Jared says with a small smile playing on his lips.

“But why the sudden break down, why tonight?”

“Oh god I haven’t even told you yet.” Jared takes another deep breath, “He doesn’t even remember me, and the first day of rehearsals he strolls up to me, unashamedly checking me out and says we hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting. I mean, huh…” Jared’s voice cracks; he lets out a sad little sob and then feels tears swim in his eyes.

“Oh shit, no, no, no I am not crying over him, I’m not, dammit.”

Lydia pulls out a packet of tissues from her pocket and hands one to Jared.

“Oh honestly,” Jared shakes his head and blows hard on his nose, “Oh god, I’m so sorry Lyd, you probably think I’m such a mess. I’m honestly not, it’s just well you’re the first person I’ve ever told the whole story too.”

“It’s a lot to take on Jay, you’re are doing so well. You have the most beautiful, intelligent and sweet little boy I’ve ever met and that’s all on you. You are dealing with one of the most awkward situations I think I could ever imagine, so I think you’re allowed a little cry now and then, ok?”

Lydia pulls his forehead to her lips and lets him have a little cry into her neck; they sit there for a few more minutes until the chilly Vancouver air is too much.

-

“So basically, either he doesn’t remember me at all; he remembers me, but figures that just acting oblivious will be easier, or he didn’t remember me at first now he does but figures it’s too awkward to bring it up. I thought I was ok with it, but it really hurt Lyd, just point blank rejection. God I’m so pathetic, I hate that I let him get to me.” Jared shakes his head.

Lydia walks over to the couch with two steaming mugs of tea and sits down next to him.

“Jared, the boy took your virginity, got you pregnant, then said ‘Cheerio’. Plus lets not forget on a really, really superficial level, that boy is smokin’ hot, seriously pretty, Jesus I’m pining and feel rejected and I’ve never even spoken to him. You are allowed to be messed-up over this, but we need to work out how you’re going play this.”

“I know, you’re right. He called this evening, that’s what set off the minor break down.” Jared says with a chuckle. “He wants to meet up, clear the air, he doesn’t buy my anti-social, method actor thing and is taking it personally that we don’t hang out.” Rolling his eyes, Jared takes a gulp of tea.

“Ok, well I think that’s a good start, meeting outside of work to clear the air. What do you want to do, I mean, you could just start with a clean slate; pretend that he isn’t Eli’s father, that you never met. It might be the best way to get the job done, the easiest way.” Lydia rubs her hand over Jared’s knee.

“Yeah I was thinking that might be the way to go; simple, clean. Plus I’m only signed on for two years, I can pretend for two years right? That will give me enough money to set up Eli’s fund. Then hopefully after the pilot comes out I’ll be able to find some more acting work, maybe move back to LA, or stay here even, Vancouver’s nice, lot’s of shows film here.”

“Yep, definitely, it’ll be fine Jared, you’ll be fine.”

The next evening Jared can’t remember why he decided any of this would be a good idea, he’s really fucking nervous. Sandy and Susie have been on a three-way Skype call for the last two hours and they’ve picked out an outfit and been coaching Jared. Both girls had agreed with Lydia, a clean slate and a fresh start, it was only two years why bother stirring up trouble now. Jared could do this; he’s an actor for god’s sake, just act.

“Oh god, what am I gonna talk about? My life is Eli, the last three years of my life have basically been running away from shit and bringing up my little boy. FUCK!” Jared runs his hands through his hair.

“Shush now Jayby, you’ll be fine. You are both Texan boys, even though you are the gayest gay that ever gayed, you still love steak and football as much as the next guy. Just stick to neutral topics and work conversation, you can do it. OK say it with me, I Jared Padalecki can do this, I’ve been through tougher shit than this, Jensen Ackles is nothing!” Jared murmurs a few of the words; trying to look confident and convince the girls he’ll be ok.

“Daddy can I come in, please?” Eli knocks at the door.

“Of course baby, Auntie Sandy and Aunt Susie are on the computer, come say hello.”

Eli bounds through the door; careful not to tip the plate of cookies he’s carrying.

“SusieQ, Sandy HELLLO! Look I maded cookies with Lyds, she let me lick the spoon and the bowl too.”

A chorus of “Hey, baby boy!” crackles through the laptop speakers.

“Did you actually eat any of the dough baby, or just smear it all over your face?” Jared teases.

“No! I ated lots of it, then Lyds took the bowl away.” Eli pouts his little bottom lip right out and huffs looking rather miffed.

“Come here a minute, let me at least clean the dough off your eyebrows baby boy, you look like a crazy person.”

Jared wipes over Eli’s little face with a cloth, before popping one of the cookies into his mouth.

“Oh my god Eli, did you make my favourite cookies?”

Eli giggles, “Yup, Lyds said you might need something nice today, so we went to the store and broughted chocolate chips and peanut butter, and I gots to spoon out the flour from the big tub, but I dropped some on the floor and the man in the shop gave me a broom so I could clean it up then he gave me a tootsie pop to say thank you, then we came home and then we baked them, and now you are eating them.” Jared feels his heart squeeze when he looks at his mini man’s excited little face.

“Whoa there Booboo, you’ve got to remember to breathe.” Sandy teases.

“Well ladies, I’ve got to go and Eli here is going to have to take a bath, aren’t you young man? Say goodnight to your Aunts, baby.”

“Night night Sandy, night night Susie, I love you.” Eli kisses the computer screen as both women coo and ahh.

“Good luck JT, keep us posted and remember you are so much better than him, just two years baby.” Susie reassures.

\- - -

Jared gets out of the taxi and makes his way over to the bar. It looks super casual, of which he’s glad, but busy. He spots Jensen straight away, he’s at the bar smiling and flirting with the ridiculously gorgeous brunette waitress. Jared has to force himself not to roll his eyes and walk away.

“Jared, you actually came, I’m, well I’m glad and kind of surprised, pleasantly so.”

Jared feels a flush run through his body, this is why this whole thing was a bad idea, he can’t be around Jensen, not like this. When they are acting together, Jared just lets Sam take over, he doesn’t have to think, but right now Sam is no where to be seen and Jared is faced with the man that continues to fuck with his head.

“Evening Jensen, this looks like a nice place, um shall we find a table?” Jared politely ignores Jensen’s comment. Jared is thinking purely polite thoughts. He’s just a guy going for dinner with a colleague, no history or drama here, he thinks to himself.

“I actually booked ahead, um it’s my favourite seat, follow me.”

Jensen grabs hold of Jared’s clenched fist and pulls him through the crowded bar until they reach the back corner booth. The circular booth with high bench seats creates the coziest, most romantic looking table Jared can imagine, but he quickly pushes words like date, couple and romance far from his mind.

“I hope this is ok Jared, it’s just I like the privacy of this place, nobody gives me hassle here.”

Oh, of course, Jared forgot, Jensen’s famous, silly him.

“No, no this is fine Jensen thank you for arranging this, it’s very kind of you. Um I just want to apologise before we go any further. I’m sorry if my attitude offended you in any way, I’m just a very private person and um, I’ve not worked for a few years, so I’m feeling a little out of it at the moment.” Jared doesn’t look up at Jensen’s face, stares resolutely at the cutlery he’s currently fiddling with.

Jensen reaches across the table and places a hand over Jared’s to stop the nervous tick.

“Please don’t apologise, believe it or not I do understand, and as I said on the phone I want us to clear the air, maybe even be friends.” Jensen gives Jared’s hand a squeeze before letting go.

“Now lets order some steak, oh and how to you feel about onion rings, because I gotta tell you this place does the best beer battered onion rings I’ve ever tasted. Just don’t tell my Momma I said that ok.” Jensen says with a wink.

-

Jared throws back his head and lets the laughter burst out of him.

“Jesus, then what did he say?”

“He looks at me and says in the most pissed voice I’ve ever heard, ‘Son I’m sure you are gonna be a great many things but a pig farmer ain’t one of them, now please get off my land.”

“Oh my god, that is priceless. Brilliant, two hundred pigs, you lost two hundred damn pigs. How is that even possible?” Jared wipes at his eyes.

“What can I say, obviously this patented Ackles charm just doesn’t work with pigs like it does with the ladies, or um men.” Jensen replies with a nervous waver in his voice.

Jared stops short, the laughter and smile leaving his face.

“Um, I guess not, sorry, will you excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.”

Jared doesn’t wait for his reply just leaves the man alone in the booth.

Taking a deep breath Jared splashes cold water on his face, _‘Calm down Padalecki, it’s going well, he’s just a harmless flirtatious guy. Just stay focused, be friendly, don’t let the charm reel you in.’_

Jared punches out a quick, “It’s going well, think I might get the Oscar for this performance” text to the girls, hoping that he sounds convincing, maybe hoping to convince himself.

When he gets back to the table Jensen is nursing another beer.

“I hope you don’t mind I ordered another round, oh and I might have ordered some chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. It’s my favourite, I wanted you to try some.”

Jared ducks his head, of course Jensen’s favourite would be his goddamn favourite, he’s starting to think this is all some elaborate joke, are there film cameras hidden in here?

“Um thank you, that’s actually my favourite flavour combination too, my so..Soosie, my friend Susie, made me some cookies today actually, I’ll um bring some into work for you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Wow, I thought it was just me who’d never grown up. Thank you, I appreciate that.”

Jensen gives Jared such a heartfelt, sincere look that Jared thinks he might explode with confused, horrid desire.

They are quiet for a minute, content to swig from their beers. Jared takes the moment to mentally control himself, _‘Don’t get carried away Jared, you just need to be his colleague, nothing more.’_

“I..”

“Look…”

Both men start.

“Sorry, please, you got ahead.” Jared says.

Jensen rubs his palm nervously around the back of his neck.

“I was just going to say sorry if I came on a little strong on the first day, and if I seem a little too forward at times. I just, I get nervous and um, well I use the way I look and act to over compensate for that. After talking to you tonight I can see how the way I acted might be too much for you. So, um, yeah I just wanted to say sorry.”

“Oh…” That is all Jared can think to say.

“Huh, stunned to silence, good work Jen.” Jensen berates himself.

“No, no sorry, it’s just um I never really thought of it being an act, you just um, you surprised me Jensen, that’s all.”

The odd tension is broken by the arrival of the biggest slab of cheesecake Jared’s ever seen being placed between them.

“Here you go Jenny, two forks and extra ice-cream, now don’t complain to me when you feel sick in a minute.” The waitress from earlier gives Jared a wink then walks off.

“Goddamn don’t you just hate sassy, know it all friends.” Jensen says with a smile.

“Oh you know her?” Jared says aiming for, but falling just short of, casual.

“Danni, yeah.” Jensen says with a smile on his lips. “She married one of my best friends Steve, they moved up here a couple of years ago, when I first started Smallville. They fell in love with the place and well the rest is history I guess. They feed me most nights, Steve works in the kitchen and at the weekends his band play here. They’re good; I’ll bring you sometime. But yeah, I’ve known them a while, we’ve been through a lot together, I don’t know where I’d be without them.”

Jensen gets a troubled look in his eyes and pushes his fork through the slowly melting ice cream.

“Ahh,” Jared clears his throat, “yeah I’ve got a couple of friends like that.” This time Jared places his hand on top of Jensen’s and gives it a slight squeeze.

They exchange a shy, cautious smile together before they demolish the cheesecake in comfortable silence.  
  
[Part Seven...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/5064.html)

  



	7. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is a bit plotty plotty, I'm trying to convey the kinda slow pace of friendship I want the boys to have, but that does mean there isn't a lot of action. I'm gonna get into the date and actual fun/angsty times soon I promise. Thank you for reading, comments are love :)]

[Note: Sorry if this is a bit plotty plotty, I'm trying to convey the kinda slow pace of friendship I want the boys to have, but that does mean there isn't a lot of action. I'm gonna get into the date and actual fun/angsty times soon I promise. Thank you for reading, comments are love :)]  
  


The series starts filming the Monday after the “Non-date date” as Lyds coined it. This means that Jared finds himself so frantically busy that he doesn’t really have time to think about or address his complicated feelings about the “Non-date date” nor does he have to worry about there being another date, or non-date date, whatever, you get the gist. He has a comfortable working relationship with Jensen now, and that is good, yep, that’s good. If occasionally Jared finds himself watching Jensen’s lips as they read lines, or if his hands linger a little too long on Dean’s shoulders during a scene, then that’s just an accident. Nope, Jared feels super content with his life. He definitely doesn’t crave anything from Jensen.

“Daddy, you stopped listening to my story, you said to me it was rude to not listen when people are talking to you!” Eli huffs at his father.

“Hey baby, how do you know I wasn’t listening, I so was listening, you were telling me about the raccoons you saw in Stanley Park today.”  Jared pleads.

“No Daddy, I wasn’t. I’d finished that story and then I was telling you about the man we sawed dressed like a moose handing out candies, but when I realized you weren’t listening I started to tell you about a crab named Larry that asked me for some money, and when I asked if you thought I should’ve given him my money you said ‘Ok baby boy.” But that wasn’t an answer, so I knowed you weren’t listenin!”

Eli folds his arms across his chest and scrunches up his face, making his patented angry at Daddy face. For the first time Jared is struck by just how much of Jensen there is in their little boy, he thinks about all the things he’s probably missed before and it takes his breath away.

“Daddy you did it again.”

“Oh Eli, I’m sorry baby boy, I love you so much, I just got lost in how beautiful you are.” Jared picks up his little man and swings him through the air.

Eli’s giggles fill the room and his screams of delight bring Lydia into the living room.

“What’s all this about, it’s 7.15 on a Tuesday evening, definitely not time for fun and frivolity, I’ll have to report you two young men!” She teases.

“Ahhhh…sorry Lyds, Daddy is making me laugh because he made me angry, then he said I was beautiful…hehehehe.”

Lydia watches the two of them with a smile on her face.

The three of them freeze to the spot when the totally foreign sound of the doorbell ringing echoes through the house.

“Who’s that Daddy?” Eli asks.

“Um, I don’t know baby, umm are you expecting anyone Lyds?” Jared turns and makes a worried, ‘WTF’ face at Lydia.

“Nope I’m not expecting anyone, maybe I should take Eli up for his bath time now anyway and you can maybe answer the door Jared?” Luckily Eli is too young to really understand or care for subtly, so without too much fuss Jared hands over his son and give him a kiss on the head.

“Thanks Lyd.”

The pair of them quietly head upstairs.

-

Jared opens the door just as Jensen is reaching for the bell again.

“Oh Jared you’re in, good.”

“Hey…Jensen, um what are you doing at my house?” Jared enquires.

“Oh shit sorry, I didn’t think, I just um Cliff was dropping me home and I mentioned that I needed to talk to you and well he just gave me a lift. Sorry, I realize this is probably totally not cool at all.”

Jensen is so nervous that Jared almost doesn’t care that this is breaking so many of the rules he’s decided he needs to have in place.

“Umm, it’s ok, really don’t worry. What’s up?” Jared asks whilst softly pulling the door almost closed behind him.

“Oh yeah, um I just wanted to um well I wanted to see if you maybe want to come watch my friend Steve’s band this weekend, you know the guy that owns that bar over on Main. I figure as we’ve actually got a weekend off we should do something…um together.”

“Oh um thank you. Yeah that would be nice, um Saturday night?”

“Yeah Saturday night, great, it’s a date then, or um not a date of course, but you know?! I’ll see you there.”

Jensen backs away from the front door, stepping backwards down the steps.

“Um Jensen?”

He stops mid step looking up at Jared.

“Why didn’t you just call me?”

“Oh, um, yeah I suppose that would’ve made more sense.” Jensen actually turns red; the cocky, supposedly arrogant pig-headed man actually blushes. Jared also blushes, because he thinks Jensen might just have a crush on him. Jensen Ackles has a crush on Jared Padalecki, holy shit! Jared sort of wants to do a little fangirl scream, but luckily for him Eli chooses that moment to burst into tears.

“Oh damn I’ve got to um go. Bye Jensen, see you tomorrow.”

“What was that Jared, it sounded like a ki…”

Jared promptly closes the door on Jensen’s questions and leaps up the stairs two at a time.

When Jared reaches the bathroom Eli has a shampoo mo-hawk and Lydia is drenched from head to toe.

“I thought I heard you crying, I rushed up here to see what was wrong!” Jared huffs.

“Oh sorry Daddy, I was doing an impression of a baby dinosaur being borned, but I slipped on my egg shell, or the bath, as humans call it, and I slipped and sort of got Lydia all soaked. Sorry, who was it at the door? Do you like my Mohawk? Lyds says I can be a punk rocker now!” Eli shakes his head, whilst pretending to strum a guitar, he splashes in the water, doubly soaking Lydia and drenching Jared’s head.

“Eli, stop it, right now and rinse off, this is far too much fun for a Tuesday night!”

Both Lydia and Eli burst into a fit of giggles, followed shortly after by Jared.

-

“Jared, please just be careful. I’m happy that you feel comfortable around Jensen and that you two are actually getting along, but please remember that it’s not real babe. Jensen only knows the pretend you. And well, I don’t mean to be harsh, but he’s probably only after one thing, and I doubt that involves a ring, a kid and a mortgage.”

Jared nods solemnly into the computer screen.

“You’re right Soos, of course you’re right. He’s just, well I mean, it’s just, ahem…what I’m trying to say is that the Jensen I work with now is nothing like that boy that screwed me over. I don’t know what changed, but sometimes when we’re messing around on set or getting coffee it’s like I can’t even believe that they’re the same guy.” Jared gets a wistful look on his face causing Susie to roll her eyes and snap her fingers.

“Don’t you go falling in love with him Jared Padalecki, I picked up your ass one time and I helped you get over him one time, I ain’t doing it again. OK? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, it applies to both of us babe. Please JT, just don’t get swept up in his lies and his charm, ok!?”

“Ok Susie, ok. Love you bye.”

Jared clicks the end button and stares into the blank screen. He gets what Susie’s saying of course he does, any fool can see that this will lead no where good, but what Susie said about Jensen not knowing the real Jared, well that isn’t true, and of course Jared realizes that a big part of his life is conveniently glossed over, but everything else feels real. Jensen gets his humour, his taste in music, his love of all things peanut butter and chocolate flavoured. The other day Jared was reading his beaten up copy of ‘Other Voices, Other Rooms’ by Capote and Jensen had that edition, and had read it only a month earlier. They just seem to click; it makes everything, all at once, wonderful and one hundred times harder.

Jared sighs shutting down his computer, it’s been a long week of filming. The joy of discovering Jensen’s crush had soon turned into panic, Jared had convinced himself that Jensen was going to discover the truth and not only hate Jared for it but either reject Eli or even worse attempt to take custody of him. Jared’s mind liked to run through endless and increasingly depressing scenarios between the hours of 2:30 and 4:58am, he’d taken to popping a couple of his old sleeping pills to attempt to keep all the thoughts at bay.

Just as Jared is rubbing over his sore eyes and thinking about starting dinner for him, Lyds and Eli, his phone bleeps on the desk. It’s a text from Jensen.

“Hey Padalecki look what I found…”

The photo attached shows Jensen holding up a huge slice of cake and the biggest smile on his face. The second text that follows just reads, “Guess the flavour?”

Jared feels his cheeks pull tight with his grin, seriously how is Jensen real?

“Dad what is making you smile?” Eli sticks his head round the study door.

“Hey Eli, oh just something a friend sent me. Hey baby what about we go out for dinner, how does that sound? Your choice of course.”

“Really Daddy, YAY…can we go to the Mac Shack, pleeeeeease…I really want Mac and Cheese and I knows that Lyds like it too, then can we go for chocolate ice-cream after…please daddy.”

Eli has jumped up onto his dad’s lap, looped his arms around Jared’s neck and is doing the puppy dog eyes right into Jared’s face.

“Baby boy I said we can go anywhere you want, go tell Lyds we’re going out.”

Once Eli’s bounded out of the room Jared taps out a reply.

“I bet both taste pretty good.”

He clicks send before he can chicken out and then decides for his sanity he should turn off his cell for the evening.

  
[Part Eight...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/5122.html)   



	8. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Eight

[Thank you for the comments and for sticking with it. Be prepared for Emo Jensen and a some references to drugs in the chapter. On with the date, non-date]  
  


It’s Saturday morning; Jared is slicing up banana for Eli’s oatmeal and humming a little tune to himself. Lydia walks down stairs with a sleepy, pajama clad, Eli rubbing his eyes with his fists.

“Morning you two, how did you sleep baby boy?” Jared asks, scooping Eli up into his arms.

“I was so asleeps Daddy, and I dreamed about mac and cheese, and I dreamed we made a huge pot of it and I gots to eat it all the time. It was great.” Eli says with a contented little smile on his face.

“Sounds like a pretty good dream baby. It’s not mac and cheese but I made you PB&B oatmeal, you want honey on it or not?”

“Umm maybe let me eats some first.”

“There’s more in the pot Lydia, but I figured you maybe didn’t need me to chop up your banana.” Jared says with a smile.

“Ohh you’re in a good mood today, what’s tickled your fancy?”

“Oh nothing, its just Saturday so I might being seeing my friend later that’s all.”

Lydia smiles and mouths ‘Jensen’ whilst holding doing two thumbs up.

Jared nods a little shyly.

“Lyds can I eats this in front of the TV, cartoons are on?”

“Ok darling, but be careful not to make a mess!”

Eli trots off to the front room, singing away to himself about cartoons and oatmeal and Saturday mornings. Jared watches him with a smile plastered to his face.

“I am so lucky Lyds, that little boy is the best little boy in the world.”

“I can’t disagree with you there, Jay. He’s made my life much better.” She squeezes Jared’s hand, “You have too big boy.” Her exaggerated wink cracks Jared up and they both break into giggles.

“So tell me about your date with loverboy?”

“Gahh Lydia, don’t call him that, it’s not a date, it’s just a thing, we are going on a thing, together, tonight.” Its almost like Jared can’t stop his face from pulling into a smile and he blushes a little too.

“OMG, you are so adorable, I want to meet this version of Jensen, he sounds so dreamy.” Lydia teases.

“Oh god Lydia, he is, I was saying to Soos, it’s like he’s a different person I can’t put the Jensen from three years ago and the Jensen I know today, together, it just doesn’t work. He’s so sweet and funny, and shy. He’s so shy Lyds, I mean really shy, we were chatting the other day and one of the guest stars arrived; he’s playing our Dad. He’s one of Jensen’s favourite actors around at the moment and Jensen just froze. He actually hid behind me. Then when Jeff went to shake his hand Jensen actually had a little fan-girl moment, I don’t think Jeff noticed but I nearly died, it was so adorable.” Jared stops himself, “Oh god, I’m so gone, I need to stop this don’t I?” Jared looks to Lydia with hopeful eyes.

“Jared, what do you want me to say? No I don’t think getting to know the father of you baby is a good idea, or that I think you should lock yourself and little’bub in there away until he’s eighteen and you’re so wrinkly and old no-one will want you. I think Jared, you have a chance to have Jensen in yours and Eli’s life, now I’m not saying you should waltz up to him tonight and confess everything, but I think you should give him a chance and see where it takes you.” Jared smiles at her.

“BUT…you need to be careful Jay, you cannot let yourself forget about what happened, to some degree he’s still _that_ Jensen, and for Eli’s sake you have to keep that in mind.” She pulls Jared into a hug and presses a kiss into his shiny hair.

“Oh god I know, sometimes I just wish he wasn’t Eli’s dad, that he was just someone I met and I felt a connection too, it would be so less complicated.” Jared looks at his hands. “I think we could really be good together, you know. We seem to fit.”

-

Jared had forgotten he’d turned his phone off until three o’clock that afternoon. When the phone bleep five times in a row Jared immediately worried, he’d definitely crossed the line and now Jensen was certainly going to call off the ‘date’ and things would be so awkward. Jared looked down at the phone in his hand.

“Oh god.” He murmured to himself as he opens the message.

“Well I guess you’ll have to give both a good tasting and then tell me.”

“Oh fuck.” Yup, just like that Jared was hard, he pressed the heel of his palm into his groin and willed himself to calm down. He scrolled to the next message.

“Was that a little too much? Sorry, god I’m so stupid, ignore that text please.”

The third message was from ‘Rogers wireless’ and the forth from Susie. The last message was a voicemail. Jared clicked connect.

“Umm hey Jared, look I’m so sorry about that message, I think I took your joke completely the wrong way and I really don’t want to mess things up between us. Please um, just ignore it ok…I’m still gonna pick you up at 7pm tonight, but if you’d rather I didn’t just send me a text and I’ll leave you alone….fuck.”

Jared stares at his phone. Oh god Jared was so giddy and nervous about his text he didn’t really think Jensen would respond. Before he even realizes what he’s doing the phone is pressing to his ear and on the third ring.

“Jared?”

“Hey Jensen, um yep it’s me. I just wanted to say that I’m really looking forward to tonight the gig should be fun. Um are you ok to pick me up, because I can grab a taxi if that’s easier?”

“Oh sure, no, no I’ll pick you up that’s no trouble at all, great so 7 then.”

“Yes thank you Jensen, I look forward to seeing you, Bye.”

“Ok, um bye then.”

Jared clicks the end button. He’s groaning to himself when Lydia walks into the room with Eli propped on her hip.

“You ok big Jay?”

“Yeah Daddy you ok, you sounded funny and we aren’t doing impressions today!”

“Oh no I’m fine, really Eli, Daddy just had a phone call that was a little bit odd, don’t worry. Why don’t you go get your things together for your sleepover at Auntie Lydia’s, hey there’s a good boy.”

Eli bounces down from Lyd’s hip and runs out the door.

“I’m an auntie now.” Lydia enquires, with a sparkle in her eyes.

“Lyd’s you made auntie status the moment you put that rubber glove on your head and pretended to be a dinosaur baby so that Eli’s could discover you and claim you Eliosaurus.” Jared smiles at her.

“Oh, wow I’ve never been an auntie before. Ok, so enough on my gushing, what happened on the phone?”

“Oh god, it was so awkward…alright long story short, I sent a sort of flirty message last night, but because I’m the biggest loser that ever lived I got so embarrassed that I turned off my phone and decided to not think about it until later. But well I forgot about it until like ten minutes ago. Basically Jensen sent me back an equally flirty message but mistook my silence for rejection and then left me a voicemail apologizing and saying that he’d understand if I didn’t want to meet tonight.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah oh dear indeed, so I phoned him back straight away, which was the stupidest thing, because I’m not good with improvisation and instead of maybe making a joke about the flirtiness or you know suggesting that I’m most definitely down with the flirting, I ignored all of it and we had the most stilted and awkward conversation. God it was like I was arranging dinner with a minister.” Jared hides his face in his hands.

Lydia lets out a little chuckle, “Oh Jay you are such a pathetic 14 yr old girl it makes me so happy. You need to relax, ok; it’s fine, let’s just wipe that slate clean; pretend the conversation never happened. I’m going to take Eli over to mine, you are gonna have the afternoon to yourself. Now you get yourself sorted out, maybe take a bath, or a nice hot shower, maybe ahem try a relax yourself a little, ahem you know, clean the pipes.” She says with a conspiratorial wink.

“Then you pour yourself a strong drink and you chill the fuck out. Ok big Jay, you got this.” She claps him on the back.

“Yeah, yeah thanks Lyds, you’re right. But just for the record I never, ever want a small blonde British women to suggest I clean the pipes. Ewww, god I’ll have nightmares.” Jared says shuddering for dramatic effect.

“Oh honestly, you are such a gayer. Some people like my stern British way. OK loverboy, I’m going to check that your son hasn’t packed up every item of clothing and that he isn’t trying to bring the kitchen sink with him too. Then we’ll be on our way.”

-

Jared gives Eli a hug and a big kiss, this is only the third night they’ve spent apart and the first two Jared was in a coma.

“Ok Eli, you be a good boy for Lyds and I’ll see you tomorrow, we’re still on for the beach, yeah?”

“Yup Daddy, of course. Daddy, Lyds says I can play on her Wii, we are gonna sing together and then we are gonna make pizza, actually make it, not just order it in, how cool is that?”

“Very cool baby, alright, you two need anything just call me.”

He gives them both a kiss on the head and lifts Eli’s little duffle bag into the car.

Jared decides to do exactly as Lydia told him. He fixes himself a large whiskey on the rocks, starts to run a bath and puts on some music. As the sound of the new Cat Power album filters through his room Jared starts to feel a little more relaxed. Sandy had emailed him a good outfit plan and told him to have fun but be carefree. He’s starting to feel a little like a kid being allowed to walk to school alone for the first time.

Once he’s lying back in the bath he takes a gulp of his whiskey and enjoys the burn down his throat, he lets his mind wander.

_Just think nice relaxing thoughts, ok Jared. It’s all gonna be fine._

He slowly pulls at his limp cock, the warm water making it easy to slide his hand along it. He tries to clear his mind, allow thoughts of Jensen to fill his head. Alas before he even gets hard his brain starts to overload. What if something does happen with Jensen, what if there is kissing and you know stuff. Jared’s one sexual experience was with Jensen, and then three years of getting really well acquainted with his right hand, and Jensen well Jensen is obviously experienced. Oh god and then if Jensen knows Jared’s practically a virgin then he’ll have to explain to him about Eli. Even if the whole story doesn’t come out at least the whole, single gay father with a kid and a whole lot of baggage is going to come out.

Jared puts his glass down on the side with a thump and sinks under the water, his ears and nose filling up. It slows down his thoughts and clears his head a bit.

Once he’s down his whiskey and rinsed off, he heads back into the bedroom with his robe loosely wrapped around him.

He feels jittery and on edge, a glance at the clock tells him that a functional quickie wank is out of the question, so he pulls on the clothes Sandy choose and tries to tame his damp hair.

-

At six fivty-five Jensen pulls up outside Jared house. He leaps up the front steps to at a time, he’s nervous but excited. He really hopes he didn’t go overboard on the cologne. Before Jensen can press the bell the door pulls open.

“Hey”

“Hey”

Both men say, and then in turn both blush and look at their shoes.

Jensen is the first to look back up, his eyes wracking over Jared long lean body.

“Wow you look good, really good.”

Jared is wearing his perfectly cut dark denim jeans, they hug his arse and cling to his thighs deliciously, and his soft charcoal cashmere sweater sits on his hips and is artfully tucked a little behind his big belt buckle. His hair is still a little damp but just curls softly at the nape of his neck. Jensen has to physically stop himself from running his hands through it.

“Umm thank you,” Jared replies with a smile, then slowly works his gaze up Jensen’s body. “You look amazing too, but um well you always do but umm yeah hot, oh um not hot, handsome. Oh god.” Jared winces in embarrassment.

“Hehe, no thank you, and for the record I totally wanted to say you looked hot too, so freaking hot Jared, do you have any idea?”

“Um oh, ok…shall get um get going?” Jared asks attempting to break the tension.

Jensen smiles at him, the dramatically sweeps his arm towards the car.

“After you Mr Padalecki.”

-

“So I hope you don’t mind but the gig won’t start until nearer ten and I really wanted to show you one of my favourite places in Vancouver.”

“Oh sure, I’d like that.”

Jensen fiddles with the radio, they settle into a slightly awkward silence. Jensen takes the exit for Jericho beach and pulls into the sailing club’s parking lot.

“Um we can grab a beer first, then um you don’t mind getting a little sandy right?” Jensen says with a smirk.

Jared laughs and shakes his head.

The boy’s nurse a couple of beers each and chatter about work, they sit out on the ever-busy balcony of the club. It over looks Vancouver harbour, mountains and the sea, and at this time of the evening the sky is ablaze with oranges, reds and yellows.

“It’s really beautiful down here, thanks for showing me, I haven’t had much of a chance to explore.”

“No worries, come on I’ll show you the best place to watch the show.”

They plod over the sand, Jensen lightly grabs hold of Jared’s hand and pulls him over to one of the huge tree trunks that litter the beach. They both sit down in front of the trunk and lean their weight against it. The sand beneath them is sun warmed and soft. Jared lets the buzz from the beers wash over him and listens to the soft lapping of the waves.

“Oh man this isn’t so bad right?”

“Nope, I’ve been coming here for years, it’s usually pretty quiet this time of night, I can just think about things, clear my head.” Jensen turns to look over Jared’s relaxed face, “Um I got you a gift actually, it’s nothing huge but I saw it and cheesy as it sounds, I thought of you.” With a smile he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a book.

Jared takes the book, flipping it over to read the cover.

“The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers.” It’s a little worn around the edges, and obviously been read a few times, Jared thumbs through the pages.

“T..t…thank you, that’s um really thoughtful of you.” Jared stammers a little, he’s genuinely touched by the gift, but he honestly cannot place the book.

“Ok, so it’s not a completely random gift, McCullers and Capote were friends, I love her writing so much. I thought anyone who has read ‘Other voices” should check her out, and well I was hanging around Macleods bookshop downtown, and I just really love this edition, but already own it so um...”

Jensen rubs nervously at the back of his neck, and turns his face down shyly. Without too much thought Jared gently lifts Jensen’s chin and presses a kiss into Jensen lips.

“Thank you, that is genuinely one of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever been given.”

“Oh well you’re very welcome.” Jared tucks the book into his jacket pocket. He turns back to face the water, Jensen does the same.

“Have you always read a lot?” Jared quietly asks.

“Oh um yeah I guess, my dad use to read to me as a kid. I was the only one that wanted to hear him, my brother wasn’t interested and well I guess my sister was too little. He was great, oh man, he’d do all these voices and actions, he read the Chronicles of Narnia to me and I was sold. Every week we’d go together to the local bookshop and he’d let me pick out one book, as I got older I would have to read in order for earn a chapter read by him. I was so ahead in reading at school I was moved into the older class. I guess maybe I would’ve become a teacher or something, if um, well if things had worked out differently.”

Jensen gets a sad look on his face, Jared doesn’t push it though, he simply slides his hand through the sand and takes Jensen’s palm in his.

They sit hands clutched together for a few minutes, watching the ripples on the water and the sun slowly set behind the mountains.

Jensen clears his throat and rubs his thumb over the rough skin on Jared’s knuckles.

“He um, he died when I was twenty-three, he um he had a brain tumour, but he didn’t want to tell us. Only my Mamma knew, he went to the doctors in the April, then dropped down dead on the second of September. It, ahh, it really messed me up, I was the closest to him, he was my Dad, you know; I thought we told each other pretty much everything. God I looked up to him so much. He was an actor too, though mostly theatre and local stuff, but he was so damn good. He’d left a will and letters for us all, explaining how hard the decision was, but that none of us three would’ve been better off knowing.” Jensen throws up his hands and makes the fingers for speech marks, “He didn’t want the pity of everyone knowing, he just wanted to make it to the end living normally.”

Jensen takes a deep shaky breath in; his hands fall back down to the sand.

“I’m so sorry Jared, you don’t need to hear this.”

Taking Jensen’s right hand in between both his palms, Jared looks at Jensen sorrowful face.

“Jensen, please I want to hear this, I want to under…to know what happened to you. It obviously had a big effect on you. If you want to tell me I’m here for you.”

He squeezes Jensen’s hand and then laces his left hand fingers with Jensen’s and holds their intertwined hands in his lap.

“Ok, thank you, um not many people know. I don’t tell people. I’d been thinking of maybe going to college, I’d taken a couple of years out, done some travelling, on my Dad’s advice. But I mostly wanted to act; I thought Dad would’ve been so proud of me, so happy that I was following in his footsteps. The last time I ever saw him we got into a fight, I wanted to move to LA, I wanted to try to be an actor. Now I can see why he was against it, I remember him saying ‘It’s too far away, you’ll mother will need you closer.’ I thought he was just using her as an excuse, he just didn’t want me to throw my life away on some dream.” Jensen shakes his head.

“I was so angry, it’s the only goddamn time I’d ever, ever argued with him and I was so disappointed with his reaction, he’d always supported me and it felt like such a slap in the face. After the funeral I just left I packed up my bags and hitched a ride. I didn’t even tell my family, figured they’d work it out sooner or later. I headed to LA with this lump sum of money, money because my father had died. I just lost it, I went crazy.”

Jensen leans his head down onto his knees. Jared wraps his long arm around Jensen’s shoulder and pulls him into his body. Jensen just moves his head to rest on Jared’s shoulder and takes a deep breath.

“I basically spent the next year, maybe eighteen months partying. Any drug, any drink, any party and any person. I didn’t care, Jesus I am not proud to say it but there are literally days, even weeks I don’t remember, it’s like there are these black holes in my memories. As expected my group of friends changed pretty quickly, I got into a group that didn’t care why I was messed up, just glad I wanted to pay for them to get messed up too. You know what still fucks with my head, the CW hired me at the same time, doing bit parts mostly but steady enough work that I had to attend premieres and I got to wear expensive clothes and drink champagne. I’d go to those events show my face get photographed, then run to the nearest bathroom, swallow, snort or drink the poison of choice for the evening, then wake up maybe a week later in some big producers house, or the bed of the lastest Hollywood starlet. Then I’d shower, rinse and repeat.”

Jared stares out into the water, his mind running a mile a minute. This can’t be real; is this so fucked up. His beautiful baby boy was brought into this world with one of his fathers so off his face Jared could’ve literally been anyone.

“Umm I’m sorry Jensen, I um I need a minute.”

Jared stumbles to his feet and walks the thirty or so meters back to the sailing club. He somehow manages to make it up the crowded stairs and into the brilliant fluorescent light of the men’s bathroom.

[Part Nine...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/5564.html)   
  



	9. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Nine

Jesus part nine, this beast is just growing & growing...anywho onwards, anyone fancy a little sexy times after some serious emotional upheaval...Seriously NC17...you have been warned...

\- - -  
  


Jared has just finished wiping off his face when a harried looking Jensen slams through the door.

“Oh Jared you’re here. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have dumped all that crap on you, I just I haven’t felt like this before, I umm…oh sorry sir I didn’t realize I was in your way.”

Jensen blushes and lets the elderly gentlemen go past him.

“Jensen shall we go outside.”

Jared guides Jensen out of the building. Once they are in the relative privacy of the parking lot and heading towards Jensen’s car Jared attempts to explain himself.

“Please don’t apologize Jensen, honestly I’m so glad you’ve told me and you felt you could share that with me. It um, it just brought up some emotions and issues with my own life that I’m um, I’m still dealing with. I have a tendency to be a little overly emotional anyway, I want to apologize for making it seem like I didn’t want to hear what you had to say.”

They both stop by Jensen’s car and look at each other.

“Thank you Jared, I’m again so sorry for ruining the evening. It’s just I like you, I um really like you and I need to be honest with you, I can’t pretend that that Jensen didn’t exist. Once I heard you were around LA at the same time probably in the same parties, I just felt like I had to come clean, just in case you’d witnessed me at my worst. God, I want you so much, I feel like I’m always over stepping the mark and ruini…”

Jared grabs hold of Jensen face and kisses him. He can’t deal with where Jensen was going with that little speech and in his head it stopped at ‘I like you.’

Jared pulls back from the kiss.

“I like you too Jensen, I like you a lot.”

They slowly make out like teenagers for a while, lent against the side of Jensen’s car, until the sound of a car pulling into the lot pulls them apart.

“Ahem, well that’s great, oh god Jared that’s so great.” Jensen pulls Jared’s hand to his lips and gives him a gleeful little kiss.

“Come on we can still watch a bit of the band if you like?”

“Yeah Jen, I’d like that.”

Steve, Chris and the rest of the band are in full swing when the boys arrive. As Dani sees them she brings over a couple of beers. The bar is super packed, but they managed to find themselves a little table and a good position to watch from.

Jared stands behind Jensen, after taking a couple of pulls on the beer he feels brave enough to wrap an arm around Jensen’s waist. Jensen doesn’t hesitate just steps back into the warmth of Jared large frame.

“Thank you, this is so perfect.” Jared says, kissing the side of Jensen’s neck.

Jensen’s hips thrust forward involuntarily.

“Oh sorry my neck is really sensitive.” Jensen blushes.

“That is really…” Jared places another kiss, “really…” Kiss, “really good to know.”

Jared takes a minute just to nuzzle at the scratchy stubble and breathe in the smell of Jensen, all the while listing to him moan a little.

“You really like that, huh?”

“Yeah, Jay, yeah I do.”

Feeling bold Jared lets his hand drop to Jensen’s crotch, he softly palms at the growing bulge he finds there.

“You’re so fucking sexy Jensen, god I’ve wanted you for so long.”

“Oh god, me too, I want you so much Jay, let’s just get out of here, please, I need you.”

-

Jared had tidied away the most obvious evidence of a three year old being his housemate, but it was a wasted effort, Jensen’s face was pressed into the side of Jared’s neck for the entire journey from front door to bedroom door. He bit gently into the thick flesh, the licked at the mark he’d left.

“Oh god Jared, I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I want you. I feel like I’m going crazy. So fucking sexy baby, so fucking sexy baby Jay.”

The nickname pulled a groan of desire from Jared’s throat. Fuck Jared was so screwed, in every possible way, but he was going to let himself have this night, fuck it tomorrow he would come clean, confess to everything, but he had to have tonight.

Jensen’s hands wanders to Jared’s belt buckle, he fiddles with the clasp and pulls angrily at the leather.

“Fucking belt, god I need you baby, want to fuck you, want to feel you all around me. God you are so beautiful Jared. Please I need to see you.”

Jared pulls the soft cashmere sweater and t-shirt over his head, throwing them to his feet. Jensen runs his hands up and down Jared’s chest.

“Argh I knew you were ripped but seriously man, up close it’s like it’s been freaking carved. You are so fucking hot.”

Jensen pushes Jared back against the door, kissing him deeply. Jared opens his mouth wider, letting Jensen’s tongue explore and taste him. Slowly Jensen works his hand into the back of Jared’s jeans, he squeezes at Jared’s ass cheek. Jared moans into Jensen’s open mouth. Jensen pushes his middle finger between Jared’s ridiculously firm cheeks until he finds the tight little pucker.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.” Jared pushes on Jensen’s shoulders, pushing him away from Jared’s body and pulling Jensen’s hand from his pants.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just um, it’s been kind of a while since I um…you know and I just need to take things a little slower sorry.” Jared says pushing his hand nervously through his sweat-dampened hair.

“Hey, hey baby don’t worry, let’s take it slow, shall we um, shall we move it to the bed, and maybe take off the rest of our clothes. If you want to?”

“Oh believe me I have wanted to see you naked for a very, very long time Jensen Ackles.”

Jensen chuckles whilst pulling his shirt off, he playfully throws it at Jared and leisurely walks backwards to the bed.

“You like what you see baby Jay?”

Jared swallows back a moan, “Fuck Jensen, your body is too much, want to taste you, lick and smell and bite every last inch of you. Your cock, god I’ve fantasized about your cock Jensen, for so freaking long.”

“You want my cock, Jay?” Jensen palms and squeezes at the swollen bulge in his jeans, rubs his hand up the length of himself.

“Fuck so hot Jen, I want, I want to see you play with yourself.”

“You want a little show hey Jay? Man you are not so shy and retiring are you. God you make me so hot, so freaking hot.”

Jensen sits back on the edge of the bed, legs spread wide, the tight denim clinging to his thighs. He undoes the top button, works the zipper down and pushes his hand into the opening.

“I knew you wouldn’t wear underwear, you always like that, even at work?”

“Yup like the way it feels, especially since I started working with you. Every time San and Dean have to fight or wrestle, knowing my dick is that much closer to your body, your ass. You know how many bathroom breaks I’ve had to take recently.”

“Oh god Jen that is so fucking sexy, jesus I’m gonna be hard at work all the time now!”  
“I like that idea, your big, fat cock all hard for me, oh god.”

Jensen pulls his cock free of his jeans and fists it seductively for Jared.

Jared hurriedly, without elegance pulls off his jeans and underwear until he’s naked and stood between Jensen’s wide legs.

“Damn baby Jay, look at that cock. Good god it’s like a third freaking leg, not even fully hard yet are you big boy, come here let me see if I can fix that.”

Jensen pulls Jared forward from the hip until his face is level with Jared’s thickening dick. Jensen leans forward, taking in a deep breath and rubbing his cheek against the shaft.

“Fuck nothing gets to me like getting a huge, swollen cock in my mouth. This one here is the best I’ve ever seen.” Jensen places a couple of little kitten licks and kisses along the shaft, enjoying the way Jared’s cock twitches and fills beneath his ministrations.

“There we go big boy, that’s more like it, god you’re so pretty, look at that fat vein running the whole damn length, I gotta taste it.”

Jensen wet’s his lips before taking Jared in about half way, Jensen swirls his tongue around the shaft, rubbing the flat plain of his tongue over and along the veiny ridge.

“Sweet lord above, oh my god, oh Jensen fuck, feels so good god your fucking mouth, looks like sin and god it feels…AH FUCKKKK!”

Jensen smiles around the fat cock before going back to tonguing the sensitive slit and, rubbing the tip of his tongue back and forth under the swollen head.

He sucks and swirls his tongue around one last time before pulling off with a loud sucking sound. Jared falls forward on top of him.

 “Oh fuck, fuck…you can’t stop there, oh jesus…fuck.” He pants out against Jensen’s neck.

“Who said I was stopping there, on your back, legs apart big boy.” Jensen says whilst slapping Jared’s ass.

While Jared is getting on the bed Jensen makes quick work of his jeans and get himself comfy kneeling on the carpeted floor.

“Look so good on your knees Jen.” Jared says with a smirk.

“Ha, not the first time I’ve heard that, now shut your smart mouth or I won’t do what I was planning on.”

“Ok ok, I’ll shutttt…Oh man is that is your tongue in my…”

Jensen knew that would shut Jared up, he plunges his rigid tongue into Jared’s hole. He only manages to work in about half an inch before pulling back.

“Jay you’re so tight, fuck like a freaking virgin down here, so hot.”

Jared throws his head back and wills himself to relax.

Jensen gently laps over the tight little bud, teasing at the rim and sucking lightly at the skin. He licks the inside of Jared’s thighs, before pushing Jared’s legs even wider apart and back towards his chest.

“That’s better.” Jensen says whilst gazing down at Jared’s newly exposed hole, watching as it twitches and flutters open and closed. Jensen licks it then blows cold air over it just to watch it twitch again.

“Fuck, so pretty Jared, I could play with you all day.”

Jared is practically glowing red, his face is burning up with a mix of humiliation, desire, lust, and embarrassment, and did he mention desire.

Jensen licks all around his hole, and then works his tongue in long licks from the pucker to the tip of Jared’s cock. He laps at the precome for a while then goes back to working his tongue inside that tight muscle.

He rocks back on his heels, pulls his own cock once or twice just to ease the pressure.

“Lube?”

“Oh shit top drawer left hand side, I can…”

“Nope I’ll get it; don’t you dare move a goddamn muscle, you look perfect like this. All spread out for me, hiding nothing, god Jared you’re so beautiful, and your body jesus.” Jensen runs his fingers up from where they were playing with Jared’s hole, along his cock, stomach and chest. He tweaks both Jared’s nipples before plunging two fingers into Jared’s mouth.

“Suck on those baby.”  Jensen commands as he leans over Jared to get the lube.

Pulling them free Jensen says softly, “Good boy.” Before he leans over to kiss Jared, letting their tongues tangle and play against each other for a while.

Jensen squeezes some lube onto his wet fingers and wastes no time pushing his middle finger into Jared’s little tight bud. Jensen works the finger quickly in and out, pumping at Jared’s hole. Jared pants and writhes around, trying to control his body. He’s so fucking close though, by the time Jensen is working a second finger in Jared can’t take it.

“Just fuck me now, I need to feel you baby, need to feel your cock in me, now! I wanna come on your cock Jensenr.”

“Oh jesus baby Jay, you tying to kill me.”

They both scramble up the bed; Jared pulls his legs once again to his chest and tentatively fingers his own hole.

“I’m ready baby, I wanna be able to feel you tomorrow, know you were here.”

Jensen pushes his hips forward to meet Jared’s; then with one hand resting on Jared’s knee and the other guiding his cock Jensen kisses the tip of his dick to Jared’s hole.

“You sure you’re ready baby.”

“Just do it Jensen, fuck me please.”

Jensen pushes his hips forward, watches as Jared’s tight hole sucks in his dick, “Shit Jay, you were made to take me baby, the way you’re just, oh fuck, so hot, oh god so fucking tight.” Jensen eases the rest of his cock tightly into Jared’s ass and then leans his weight forward onto Jared. He seeks out Jared’s lips and they kiss each other aggressively. Jared uses this moment of distraction to flip Jensen onto his back.

“Oh fuck always wanted to ride you Jensen, fuck oh god your cock feels so big in me.”

Jared stretches one palm across Jensen’s sweaty chest and he places his other hand at the base of Jensen’s cock. He fingers and touches at the place their bodies are joined.

“So hot Jen, god feels so good.”

Jensen just groans with pleasure, unable to fathom putting together a sentence. Jared pulls almost all the way off before slamming back down onto Jensen’s dick, then he rocks his ass back and forth against Jensen’s hips. Jared’s cock is caught between the delicious friction of his and Jensen’s bellies, whilst the fat head of Jensen’s cock rubs repeatedly at his prostate.

“Oh god not gonna last much longer.” Jared pulls up so just the tip is inside him, and then clenches his pucker; he hovers a little, teasing at Jensen’s cock before forcing all nine and a half inches back inside of him.

“Fuck Jared…oh arghh fucccckkkkkk.” Jensen’s come floods into Jared’s body, as Jared ruts his hips and cock against Jensen’s flat abs. Within seconds of Jensen, Jared’s whole body seizes up and he squeezes down tightly onto Jensen’s cock.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…shit, oh shit so good Jay, feels so good.”

Both men rest for a moment, chests heaving and bodies tingling with their orgasms. Jared winces as he pulls himself off of Jensen’s now limp dick, his hole already feels sore but he smiles at the sensation. He tentatively reaches his fingers behind him and touches the rim, feels Jensen’s come already leaking. Jensen pulls Jared forward into an awkwardly angled full body hug. He lets his hand run down Jared’s arm until his fingers join Jared’s at his hole. Both men pull and tease the puffy rim, Jensen pushes his come back inside whilst he plunges his tongue into Jared’s pliant mouth.

They lay there lazily making out for a while just content to moan into each other mouths and rub against each other’s lax bodies until the pull of sleep becomes too much. They wrestle momentarily with the sheets before they are twisted and intertwined beneath them. Jensen curls his body into Jared’s and rests his head on Jared’s chest. He murmurs softly into Jared’s warm body, “I think I might be falling in love with you.” Jared can’t be sure if he’s awake or asleep, but decides replying an almost whispered “Me too” can’t do any harm.  
  
[Part Ten...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/5784.html)

  



	10. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Ten

Just a short chapter until I can get back into it at the weekend...enjoy and thank u for all the comments they make me so happy!

Also Lydia is totally channeling you, [](http://melitta4ever.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://melitta4ever.livejournal.com/)**melitta4ever** , in this chapter!  


## \---

  


Jensen wakes first, without being too creepy he watches Jared sleep for a few minutes. Jared’s face is perfectly relaxed when he’s asleep; the tension that is usually around his eyes lifts and his face is smooth. Jensen run the pad of his index finger down the length of Jared’s face and gently places a kiss to his forehead. ‘ _Jesus Jensen what the hell is wrong with you.’_ Jensen mutters to himself. It’s just Jared gets to him like no one ever has; if he was being honest with himself, truly horribly honest with himself he’d say he was falling in love, but it’s too early for those kind of thoughts.

Instead of thinking too many complicated thoughts at nine am on a Sunday morning Jensen opts to make breakfast instead. He lets Jared sleep and pulls on his jeans and pads barefoot and shirtless in search of the coffee maker.

Jared is still asleep upstairs, his phone bleeps to signal a message, but Jared just hits his pillow beneath is head and snuggles back in. Jensen is in the mood for French toast. His arms are full of the ingredients, his head still wedged in the huge fridge when he hears a faint call of, “Bye Cheerio Aunt Lydia, I’ll tell Daddy you says sorry. Love you too.” Jensen also hears a faintly British accent and the sound of someone running down the front steps. He turns around to deposit the eggs on the counter as the sound of small feet plod into the room.

“Why are you in my kitchen, where’s my Daddy?”

Jensen stares down at the small sandy-blonde head of the boy; all he can manage to utter is an “Umm.”

“Are you my daddy’s friend? He was excited yesterday because he was seeing his friend. I have a friend too but Daddy says that my friend is imag-um-imag-gan-a-nary, but you are a real friend aren’t you. Hummm you look like someone, are you on my daddy’s TV show? You’re very pretty for a boy, you have green eyes like me too, daddy has funny colored eyes have you see-ed them? Who are you?”

Jensen looks dumbstruck at the ridiculous chatty little boy, his mouth gapes a couple of times before he croaks out.

“I’m um Jensen, nice to meet you…” He sticks out his hand.

“I’m Eli Jacob Padalecki, I’m three years, four mouths and ten days old. How old are you Jensen?”

“I’m um I’m twenty seven years, um…” Jensen counts on his fingers. “…and five months old.” He can’t help but smile at the adorable kid. Eli smiles in return and Jensen is hit with the full patent Padalecki dimples.

“Wow, so Jared’s your daddy, hey little man?”

“Yup he is my favourite ever person, then Aunt Sandy & Susie second and then Lyds third. Is daddy sleeping still, some Sundays he likes to stay in bed while me and Lyds make cookies or pancakes, but Lyds had to go because one of her friends broke her leg and was at the hop-pital, so she dropped me off otherwise she’d be here. Oh what are you making? Where’s your shirt are you hot, and your jeans aren’t done up? If you’re hot my daddy has some shorts you could borrow.”

Eli hoists himself up on to the high stool at the breakfast bar; he pulls over the jug of water and pours himself a tumbler full.

Jensen shakes his head; he cannot believe Jared has a son, a beautiful, intelligent little boy. Though of course Jensen’s in shock; him and Jared are going to need to have a talk about this, but with Eli sat in front of him gulping down water and kicking his little legs back and forth Jensen can’t be anything but delighted to have met him.

“I’m making French toast Eli, do you want to help, and then maybe you can go wake up your Daddy?” Jensen turns his back to Eli pulls down a mug from the cupboard and hastily zips up his jeans.

“I’m a good helper, Daddy says that I am the best mixer he’s ever seen. Can I mix and you do the dangerous stuff, I don’t like the frying pan, I burnt-ed myself once and now daddy doesn’t let me near the cooker.”

“Ok Eli, sounds like a good deal, here you can mix all the eggs and milk together for me.” Jensen hands over the whisk and bowl. Eli’s little fist grips hold of the utensil as Jensen cracks the eggs and adds the milk. The two of them work together for a while, Eli asking a stream of never ending and increasing obscure questions to Jensen and Jensen trying his best to give good and interesting answers.

Both chefs stop what they are doing, their attention focused on the thundering of Jared coming down the stairs and running into the kitchen. Once Jared sees them he slows to a casual looking jog.

“Daddy, I met Jensen and we are making French toast.” Eli yanks the whisk from the bowl and flings eggy mix all over the work surface, himself and Jensen’s chest.

“Oops sorry Jensen, I told you Daddy would have made you weared an apron.”

“Umm Jensen, you met my um, my son Eli…I just got Lydia’s text um, sorry um, I’m…” Jared just stares at the twin set of green eyes gazing back at him. He swallows audibly and looks at Eli.

“Eli, baby you want to go get a clean shirt and maybe give your face a little clean, there’s a good boy.”

Eli hops off the stool, and heads upstairs, not before trotting over to Jared to give him a kiss. Jared in a daze bends over to receive Eli’s kiss and checks he gets to the top of the stairs before he turns back to Jensen.

“He’s a great little kid Jared, you should be real proud of him. Sharp as a tack, asked me if I was too hot and if I wanted to borrow some of your shorts.” Jensen says with a chuckle. His face turns serious though as he looks up to met Jared’s eyes.

“You know you could’ve told me about him, I wouldn’t of run away. I’ve been honest with you Jared, I thought you were honest with me.” He looks down again, pokes at the frying bread in the pan; his face etched with hurt.

Jared walks over to him, tentatively reaches his hand out to Jensen’s forearm.

“I wanted to Jen, honestly I, um, it’s just it’s really complicated and I couldn’t do anything that would mess up this job. And well…” Jared blushes, “…I enjoyed being a normal twenty three year old, dating a hot guy and going to watch bands, I haven’t done that in a long time, or um, ever actually. But you’re right I should’ve told you and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

Jensen leans over and places a kiss onto Jared’s lips before turning back to the pan.

“I understand Jared, it’s ok and it’s a big thing, I get that, it just hurt a little that you couldn’t tell me. Does no one at work know, you’ve never mentioned him at all? That’s gotta be hard work man, anyone with eyes can see how much you adore each other.”

Jared actually chokes up a little at that, though if anyone asks it the fat in the pan making his eyes sting.

“It was pretty hard, but hey I’m an actor, right? I played the part, but yeah Eli’s my world Jensen, and um if you want to be with me then you have to understand that. He always comes first.”

“Totally Jared, I get that. I always wanted kids; though once I’d realize that only men do it for me I figured I’d have to be happy always being an uncle or godfather. It’ll be nice to have the little guy in my life, and thank you for letting me. I realize what a big step this is, I know you could choose to end this now just be friends, but I’m glad you don’t want to and I’m glad you trust me, even if it was kinda an accident that I met him.”

The three of them eat the only slightly over done French toast together, only after Eli insists that Jensen showers off the eggy mix and borrows some of Jared’s clothes.

“Jensen do you want to come to the beach with Daddy and me? We are going to make sandcastle, and then we are going to draw the mountains. Daddy said if I’m a good boy we can get Japadogs too, but only if I’m really good.” Eli smiles up at his daddy and Jensen with a gap-toothed grin.

“Oh baby how could anyone resist that face.” Jared chugs his little chubby cheeks and kisses Eli’s nose. Jensen lets out a laugh and runs a hand down Jared’s back.

“I guess I could spend a little time at the beach, it’s a good day for it.”

-

Jared leaves the two green eyed beauties playing in the front room, Eli’s hidden toys are suddenly everywhere once again.

He needs a shower, but first he gives Lyds a quick call to see how her friend is.

“Oh she’s ok, well as ok as someone with a broken tibia and fibula can be, but she’s dosed up on morphine at the moment. I’m so sorry for just dropping Eli off like that, it’s just I’m here next of kin over here and well she was in a right old state. I heard you in the kitchen when I opened the front door sorry I didn’t say hi. How did the hot date go?”

“Umm well it’s still kind of going, that um, that was Jensen in the kitchen this morning not me.”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Lyds shouts down the phone. “Oh shit sorry, oh my god what have I done Jared, jesus I should’ve just brought Eli here, oh crikey. I thought you’d be, um…well not to say that I didn’t think it would go well, I just didn’t imagine it would go quite so well. Is it still going well, how did he take the news about Eli?”

“Well he’s taken the news that _I_ have a son really freaking well, and that’s all the news I think I can face giving him today, if ever Lydia. Look it’s so complicated and well he told me a lot of things last night. To be honest I don’t know if basically telling him that years ago whilst he was fucking around, off his face on god knows what because he was grieving for his dead father, he accidentally knock me up on a one night stand, is going to do him or us any favors. I really like him Lyds, maybe enough that I can’t ruin my chances not yet.”

“Oh Jared, nothing in your life is simple is it babe.”

Jared sighs, scrubs his hand through his hair. After turning on the shower Jared pulls at his sweatpants balancing the phone between his head and shoulder. He winces at the feel of dried come on his belly and more importantly the dried come between his thighs.

“Shit!”

“What’s wrong, Jay what is it?”

“Um so I might have had really, really hot completely unprotected sex with Jensen Ackles again last night.”

“JARED PADALECKI YOU FREAKING IDIOT!! You are sooo lucky it is me you called and not Sandy or Soos, they would’ve had your balls, or Jensen’s balls, there would’ve been balls involved put it that way. What are you gonna do?”

“Umm I’ll try and get to the chemist, I need to get a morning after pill, but I’ll have to google to see where stocks the male version. It’s um trickier to get hold of; oh jesus I told Eli we were going to the beach, and um I’d really rather not get into the whole, ‘oh by the way did I mention I’m also a fertile carrier-male’ type conversation with Jensen.”

Lydia taps into google on her iPod.

“Jared you owe me BIG time, ok? There’s a place over on Pine and Broadway that specialize in male pregnancy and they have an onsite 24-hour pharmacy, I’ll swing by there and then drop it off to you, I’ve got to go collect my friends passport and insurance stuff anyway.”

“Oh Lyds, you are wonderful, you are my savior, I’ll double your pay triple your pay.”

“Pfff I’ll believe that when I see it, I’ll be about 40 minutes ok hot stuff.”

Lydia drops the call and Jared lets out a sigh as he climbs into the steaming shower.  
  
[Part Eleven...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/6067.html)

  



	11. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Eleven

Oh dear angst ahoy!  
-  
  


Lydia is most definitely a saint or a goddess or you know a really, really damn good friend; forty eight minutes after their phone call Jared has the pill in his hand and is waving bye to hastily retreating assistant.

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning for Eli, no worries. Oh and Jared please for the love of god use protection, you’re 24 not 14, Jesus!” She shakes her head as she climbs back into her car.

Jared simply nods and pockets the emergency contraception. Eli plods up to the front door with Jensen in tow.

“Who was that Daddy?” He reaches for Jared’s hand.

“Oh it was Lyds, she had to give me something, but she’s on her way to the hospital so she couldn’t stay little man, sorry.”

“Oh okies, Jensen and I wanted to go to the beach now Daddy, pleeeeease?”

“Yes pleeeeeeease Jared.” Jensen pulls the almost exact same pouty pleading face as his son. Jared is doomed forever; a matching pair of that face will be the death of him.

“Come on then, off to the beach we go, but no more pouting please!?!”

He squeezes Eli’s cheeks as he goes out the door and slaps Jensen’s arse a little too hard to make his point.

Six weeks later Jared is sat on the sofa with his, well he guesses he’d call him his boyfriend, Jensen; his little boy is crashed out and fast asleep over them both. Jensen is idly carding his fingers through Eli’s hair and Jared is rubbing circles on his baby’s little exposed ankle.

The three of them have settled into a ridiculously comfortable and horridly domestic routine, during the week Jensen usually eats with them and ‘sleeps over’ a couple of times a week, then the weekends he pretty much lives with them. Lydia is still here all week, but Jared agreed that she could start having the weekends off. Though she still babysits on the occasional Saturday night date night.

“Shall I take him up? He’s pretty dead to the world.” Jensen asks.

“Oh yeah if that’s ok, I can do it if you’d rather.”

“Jay you’re pretty much dead to the world too, plus you let me stay in bed this morning when Master Eli here decided that he wanted to bake a cake at 5.30 am, so I think it’s my turn.” Jensen leans over and gives Jared a soft kiss on the lips before hoisting the sleeping toddler onto his shoulder. Eli instinctively curls into Jensen’s neck and sleepily rubs his cheek against the stubble there.

Jared’s stomach flutters at the sight of them together, it’s something he never thought he’d have.  He’s worried too, he knows Jensen will find out sooner rather than later, and also Eli keeps making comments about how similar he and Jensen are. Jared just wants this a little bit longer, he just wants to have a family like this for a few more months, and he knows it’s selfish but he can’t help it.

Jared is lost it his own little world and is startled when Jensen places a kiss to the side of his neck.

“Sorry babe, what are you thinking about, it looks painful?” Jensen teases.

“Oh nothing really, just um, thinking about how quickly Eli’s growing up, you know?”

“Man he grows like a weed can’t believe how much bigger he’s gotten just in the few weeks I’ve known him. You think you want another baby, huh you getting broody?”

A deep blush colors Jared’s cheeks, he’s thankful for the dark lighting. Jensen’s only ever asked once about Eli’s other parent and Jared had gotten in such a state that he’d not mentioned anything to do with babies or parents again. Jared wishes the question hadn’t taken him so by surprise, he wishes that instead of barking out a vague response of “They aren’t in mine or Eli’s life anymore,” he’d as least let Jensen know that Eli has two dads, that Jared had been the one to carry his baby and that Jared was ‘one of them’, a carrier. Jared reaches over for his glass, swallows down the last mouthful of scotch and waits for the burn to subside until he replies.

“I would like to have another baby yeah, if the timing was right and if I was in a better place, um I’d like to experience carrying a new life again.” He fiddles furiously with his leather bracelet and awaits Jensen’s reaction.

“Oh wow, you um, you’re a carrier, oh wow, I’ve um never met one before.”

“Well err congratulations you have now.” Jared attempts to joke.

“Man, I, you, how, I mean you got to carry Eli for nine months, that’s amazing, that must’ve been amazing.”

Suddenly it’s like a door has been opened Jared really wants to tell Jensen everything, well not everything, but he wants Jensen to know just what he went through and just how hard it was to bring his baby, their baby into this world.

“Well I only got to carry him for a little over eight months, I went into labor early, and there were complications.”

-

Jensen settles back into the sofa, placing the refilled glass in front of Jared and taking a generous gulp of his own.

“Honestly Jared I cannot believe you went through so much and did all that completely alone. I’ve got to ask, who is Eli’s other Dad, what the hell kind of guy would leave you, Jared? Would leave you all alone and his baby?” Jensen looks exhausted and kind of a wreck. Jared’s heart clenches with guilt, he knows Jensen is nothing like that drug fueled party boy he met all those years ago and Jared also knows that telling him the truth would destroy Jensen. So Jared does what he knows is best; he bends the truth and he keeps things vague, the less Jensen knows the better.

“Um, it’s complicated Jensen. I was so young and closeted and so stupidly naïve. I met this guy, god he was beautiful, I um met him at this network event. I was so shy back then, even more so than now and he was so confident and sexy. I didn’t even really have time to think about what I was doing, I wanted him so much Jensen, like I’d never felt before.” Jared takes a deep breath and looks down at his and Jensen’s interlocked hands.

“I um, I was a virgin at the time, I’d only ever kiss one person. Once I was in LA I got the job on the Glimore Girls and I don’t know I was so excited to be living my dream that thinking about finding a boyfriend or doing anything that would jeopardize that dream seemed ridiculous, so I kept my head down and my nose clean, but the network wanted me to be seen at events, this was one of the first I’d gone to. God it seems so fucking foolish now, but you, ahem, you should’ve seen him Jensen, jesus I was a virgin not a saint I couldn’t resist him.”

“It’s ok Jay baby, you know I would never judge you. God you were so young baby,” Jensen kisses Jared again, draws Jared’s tongue into his mouth, the kiss is passionate and loving but tinged with guilt, Jared isn’t sure who feels guiltier. He breaks the kiss and shakes his head.

“He um, he didn’t hurt you did he, god, Jay who is it?”

“No, no of course he didn’t hurt me, jesus, no. He messed up my head for sure, and well pretty much broke my heart but he was just a player I guess, he played me so fucking well.” Jared can’t look at Jensen whilst he’s talking he fixes his gaze on a pile of Duplo blocks and cars that Eli had left by the coffee table, the cheerful bright colors reminding him of his beautiful boy.

“I…I can’t tell you who he is Jensen, he’s still acting and reasonable well known, it wouldn’t be right and I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting anyone know.”

Jensen sighs and rubs his hand across his forehead before squeezing the bridge of his nose.

“Do the girls know?”

“Jensen please don’t ask me that, ok those girls are my family, Sandy and Soos gave up so much to help me back then. I was a mess, I had lost everything, they were all I had, please don’t push this ok, I’ve told you more than I’ve told most people.”

Jared’s tired now, he can’t keep talking about this without telling Jensen everything, but what’s he going to do throw Jensen the name of some small screen guy that could fit the bill, point the finger at some other TV star and let Jensen direct his anger at them, god only knows what Jensen might do. Jensen pours himself another large scotch and without pause downs it.

“I thought…I thought you could trust me Jay, you and Eli, you both mean so much to me. I wish you could trust me with this.” Jensen pleads.

Jared is on his feet without answering him he grabs the empty glasses and a bowl of cereal Eli had been munching on and heads to the kitchen.

After a few minutes Jensen comes over the sink where Jared is angrily washing dishes and tidying up.

“Is this what you’re going to do, any time things get too much, your gonna just walk away from me? Why won’t you tell me Jared, what difference does it make if I know the bastards name?” Jensen tries and fails to keep his voice low.

“Please don’t yell Jen, you’ll wake Eli up.” Jared rinses his hands and starts putting away the cleaned dishes.

“Jensen it doesn’t matter who Eli’s father is, you knowing his name will only makes things more complicated. Eli doesn’t know and it makes things easier that way, why can’t you just leave it?” Jared’s voice breaks a little, he knows he’s sounding panicked, the more he refuses this the more Jensen is going to want to know.

“Oh god it’s someone I know isn’t it, Jesus am I friends with them still? That’s why you won’t tell me isn’t it, I know the fucker.”

Jared takes a deep breath and turns to face Jensen.

“Jensen for fucks sake not everything is about you ok, no you do not know the person and no you are not friends with them. I am not telling you who they are because it is not important to you, they fucked me up and almost destroyed my life, please just leave it alone.”

Jared is shaking when he’s done, the wet towel in his hands quivers and falls onto the floor. Jensen steps forward, attempts to pull Jared into a hug, but Jared turns his body away.

“I think it’s best if you leave Jensen, I…I just think I need to be on my own right now.”

“Jay please, I’m so sorry…please babe.”

“Just go Jensen.” Jared says as he turns off the main light and heads up the staircase.

-

Jared doesn’t sleep at all. After he’d gone upstairs he’d heard Jensen pad around and then he’d heard the sound of the lights beings turned off and the front door locking. That was four and a half hours ago.

Jared pulls his laptop closer to him and flips it open. He click on Skype, but no one’s online, it’s too late or not early enough, he looks at the clock, he’s still got a couple of hours to kill before he can feasible call Sandy. Instead of attempting to sleep or maybe reading a book he does the sensible thing of opening up firefox and googling Jensen Ackles.

There are so many pages and articles, fan sites and pictures; this was the worst idea Jared has had in a long time. He clicks on an article from 2005. The photograph shows a young, twinky Jensen looking a little worse for wear, and he’s being all but carried by that Superman guy, Tom Welling. The headline reads, Superman to the rescue, again! The article doesn’t go into much detail, just that Jensen Ackles had gotten drunk again at a network party and Welling had had to carry him home. At the bottom of the page there are links to other Jensen Ackles stories, Jared clicks on the first nine of them before he starts to feel nauseous. Jensen linked to a mysterious blonde, Jensen found unconscious in club bathroom, Jensen allegedly caught with a man and a woman at the same time, Jensen’s family pleas for him to stop partying, Jensen seen partying with Lindsay Lohan, it goes on and on.

Jared feels exhausted by it all, whilst Jensen was partying and fucking himself up Jared was at home, working every hour he could to support his newborn baby, and Jared knows that Jensen didn’t know about Eli, Christ Jensen didn’t even know who Jared was and Jared knows he ran away but it doesn’t seem fair. None of this is fair, he’s in love with this new Jensen, the real Jensen, but the old fuck up Jensen still haunts Jared and it’s never going to work, it hopeless. His relationship is hopeless; Jared sees that now. He wipes the tears from his eyes, shuts his laptop and pulls the duvet over his head.

-

The next day Jared doesn’t even bother to contact the girls, he knows what he needs to do. He calls Kripke and tells him there’s been a family emergency so he’ll be gone for a few days; he packs up a bag for him and Eli and books a flight. Finally he calls Jensen.

“Jared, oh thank god I tried your number so many times, I’m so sorry about last night, I’d had too much to drink and, and I was so jealous and angry, I’m so sorry I upset you.”

“Um Jensen I can’t talk about that now, I um I’m going away for a few days, I can’t be with you and I don’t want you in Eli’s or my life. I’ve emailed Lyds and she’ll be at the house tomorrow if you could take all your things. I think it’s best if we finish out this season but then I’ll break my contract. I can’t do this Jensen I’m sorry.”

Jared doesn’t wait for Jensen’s reply he just ends the call. The taxi is already outside so he calls for Eli to come down.

“Daddy why are we leaving ’couver, where are we going?”

“We’re just taking a little break kiddo, I got us tickets for Hawaii. You’ve wanted to go there since you watched the surfing on TV and I want to have a vacation with my little man, ok?”

Honestly Hawaii had been the first leaving flights and Jared just needed to not be here, but Eli is happy enough with the explanation and merrily gets into the taxi without a fuss.

They’ve been in Maui two days, Jared helps Eli change into his board shorts and walks him to his kiddies surfing club.

“Daddy are you sure you’ll be ok on your own? I can stay here if you wants me too.”

Eli’s big eyes look impossibly green and so much like Jensen’s it actually makes Jared turn away.

“No baby boy it’s fine we spent yesterday in the pool together and I promised you, you could learn to surf. I’ll just be on the beach anyways, you won’t be far away.” Jared tries to smile but he knows it’s not very convincing.

“I just wished that Jensen could’ve been here then you would’ve had someone to play with too Daddy.” Eli huffs and looks a little frustrated. Jared had lied and told him Jensen was too busy to come with them.

“I know baby, but its ok Daddy needs some time on his own right now, you have fun ok little man.” Jared kisses his son and watches him run over to the others in the group.

Jared settles himself on one of the sun loungers further down the beach, he’s still close enough to be able to see Eli but not so close that he embarrasses his son. Reluctantly he pulls his phone out of his bag and switches it on for the first time in almost three days. There’s a flurry of missed call notifications and then a quick succession of beeps indicating new messages. He dials through to his voicemail. The first is of course, from Jensen.

“Hi Jared, what’s going on I don’t understand babe, please I’m so sorry about last night, I know I shouldn’t have pushed you like that, it was so selfish of me, I could see how upset you were but I didn’t let it go. But honestly babe, are you splitting up with me because of that, we can work things out, please don’t do this to me. Where are you? Please Jay, please.”

The second is from Lydia, asking just what he thinks he’s playing at and that she hopes he’s ok and that Eli doesn’t miss her too much and that she hopes he’s coming back to Vancouver at least to say goodbye, then she bursts into tears and hangs up. Jared scrubs his hand over his face and flags down one of the waiters, he orders a ridiculous looking drink but figures alcohol is probably going to make this day a little easier.

There’s a message from Soos and Sandy, both just wondering where he is and then there’s a second message from Soos saying Lydia had just called her and what the fuck is going on.

The last message is from Jensen.

“Um so I guess it really is over then hey. I’m not really sure what’s going on Jay, Lyds wouldn’t tell me anything, but I think it’s because she doesn’t know either, rather than trying to protect you. I’m just lost Jay, so lost, I um I love you and Eli so much, I want to work this out, please can we work this out. God for the first time Jay I felt like maybe things were going to be ok, we were good together weren’t we, I don’t get it why are you doing this to me. Please at least let me know you’re ok, I love you Jared, please.” Jensen ends the call with something that sounds half way between a hiccup and a sob, Jared’s glad he’s wearing sunglasses as he sniffs back the tears.

He decides he should call Soos, and then let her explain to the others, Soos will understand.

“Jared thank god, where the fuck are you and what the hell is going on? Are you ok baby?”

“Hi Soos, I’m fine, I’m so sorry for all the but um I had to get away and I had to get away quickly. It’s over, between Jensen and I, I broke up with him, it wasn’t working and I couldn’t let things go on. So I ended it and yeah I ended things with him because that would be the best thing to do, right?” Jared’s voice breaks until he’s full on sobbing and tears are running down his face.

“Oh baby what did he do?”

Jared sniffs loudly down the phone and wipes at his face with his arm.

“He didn’t do anything Soos, nothing at all, he asked me about Eli’s dad at the weekend, I told him the basic details, but he wanted to know who would be that evil, he wanted to know his name and why he would leave me and Eli and of course I couldn’t tell him, but he wouldn’t let it go. We sort of argued and I asked him to leave, then I came to the realization that it’s never going to work between us, the truth will destroy him Soos, he already feels guilty enough as it is about the way he behaved back then, if I come along and tell him that he’s the bastard that got me pregnant and walked away he’ll never forgive himself.”

They are both quiet for a while, Jared sobbing almost silently down the phone and Soos offering words of comfort.

“I wished you’d call me babe, you should’ve come here I would’ve looked after you and Eli. Where are you anyway?”

“Ha..Ha…Hawaii.” Jared stutters.

“HAWAII? What the hell Jared, you go to Hawaii. You should be with me or Sandy, not in fucking Hawaii.”

“I just booked the first flight available, Eli wanted to go surfing a few months back and when I saw it I just booked it, it was easy. It’s nothing personal Soos, I’m not living it up on a tropical island alright, I’m drinking ridiculous looking drinks, sobbing to myself and lying to my baby boy about why his new favourite person isn’t here too ok!”

“Sorry, you’re right sorry it’s just, this isn’t like you Jay, you always come to me and Sandy with stuff.”

“Yeah well I dunno, it didn’t feel right, this isn’t something you or Sandy can fix, I just needed to clear my head and be alone for a bit, I’m sorry alright, things are just complicated. You…um…you know I’m in love with him don’t you?”

“Yeah baby, we’ve known for a while. Oh Jared maybe you should just tell him, clear the air, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“Jesus Soos, that’s the worst idea, he hates what he did, who he was back then, he’s only been clean for just under two years, he’s finally got his family back in his life. What’s the worst that could happen, well jesus, he’ll hate me for it, but worst he’ll hate Eli because of what Eli represents and he’ll hate himself. Or he’ll just hate me and then he’ll want to take custody of Eli and give Eli support and a family, Eli could have a big family with the Ackles. Or he could fall off the wagon again, slip back into the drugs and drink, he drank way more than normal at the weekend and once we started arguing he drank more than me, and he drank fast. I can’t be the reason Soos, I just, this is just, and it’s easier like this. This way I’m just a dick that messed him around, we finish out the season, then I’ll buy myself out of my contract and hope that I’m still employable in LA. It’s just cleaner this way, I’m safe and Eli’s safe.”

“Oh Jay, I’m so sorry baby, I wish I could be there, do you want me to fly up to Vancouver, I can be there when you get back?”

Jared hesitates for a minute, the thought of having Soos there to help him and be there for him is a comforting thought, but he should deal with this himself, he needs to start looking after himself.

“No Soos, thank you but no, I need to deal with this on my own, I can’t keep running to you guys, I love you so much and I will need you, god knows I’ll need you when I’m done, but for now I need to do this on my own.”

“Ok babe, well you just call and you know I’ll be on the next flight. When are you due back?”

“I told Kripke I’d be back at work on Monday, but we leave Hawaii in two days. I’ll have the weekend to talk things over with the CW and then I guess I’ll see Jensen to talk or something. I have no idea what I’ll tell him.”

“Oh Jay, maybe keep it simple, and don’t whatever you do say ‘it’s not you it’s me’…just tell him you can’t deal with a relationship at the moment. I don’t think he’ll hate you for that.”

“He already does Soos, I think he already does.”

Jared hangs up and looks over to watch his little boy practice paddling out on his surfboard. Eli is a good head and shoulders above the other kids, his blonde hair catches the sun and his face his beaming with excitement. When Eli sees his Daddy looking he waves frantically and promptly tumbles from his board, Jared immediately jumps up from his lounger but relaxes once he sees a giggling Eli pull himself back up with the help of his instructor.

Jared watches them paddle out and thinks that maybe it’ll be ok, him and Eli against the world. That’s all he needs, right?  
  
[Part Twelve...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/6332.html)

  



	12. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Twelve

Drama llama and a toddler tantrum...  
\---  
  


Jared had arranged to have a chat with Kripke the Monday following his return from Hawaii, unfortunately Kripke has been called back to LA for some big important meeting so Jared won’t see him for another two weeks. It’s not the end of the world, nothing radical will happen in two weeks, he can still sort out his contract and leave the show without causing too much fuss.

Jensen had called at the house on the Saturday afternoon; Jared didn’t answer the door, that he had let Lydia do it.

“I’m sorry Jensen it’s just not a good time, I just put Eli to bed and Jared’s in the bath. I’ll tell him you called round though, ok hun.”

The last part of her sentence is muffled and Jared knows it’s because she’d pulled Jensen into one of her calming and loving hugs, he felt sick with guilt.

-

Sunday

“Daddy when is Jen coming round again, I miss him and he still has to finish that puzzle with me, it’s on the table I wanted to finish it before Monday so I could show my friends at daycare.” Eli moans.

“Um I’m not sure when Jen’s coming round again baby, Daddy and Jensen are not going to be seeing as much of each other, so he won’t be coming round the house anymore.” Jared pulls Eli onto his lap and runs his hands through his soft blonde hair.

“But why can’t I seed him still, he was my friend too Daddy, it’s not fair I wants to see Jen, he was, he was my friend. It’s not fair.” Eli bursts into tears and throws his little balled up fists against Jared’s chest. Jared looks down at his baby with bewilderment; Eli has never ever had an outburst like this.

“Baby calm down, ok please calm down.” Jared tries to stroke the back of Eli’s neck, but it’s like his touch burns the toddler instead. Eli throws himself onto the floor and starts screaming for Jensen. His little face gets red, snot is running down his nose and his cheeks are wet with tears. Lydia comes running in for the laundry room.

“What on earth is going on? Jared?”

“I, honestly I have no idea what’s gotten in to him, he asked about Jensen and I told him that he wouldn’t be coming round anymore and it’s like he flipped.”

“Oh no, I knew something like this would happen, oh god, Eli baby calm down for Lyds hey. What’s wrong baby? Please you’re scaring Daddy and me.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I want my Jensen, why can I see him, he promised me we’d make the puzzle together and then we’d showed my class and he said he would help me and he’s not here, Daddy why isn’t he here, I wants him.”

Eli’s words are interjected alternately with loud sorrowful sobs and sickening sniffs to clear his nose.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry you know Daddy didn’t do anything to upset you, Jensen and I just can’t be friends anymore. OK?” Jared tries to pull Eli from the floor, but his stubborn little son grabs hold of the coffee table leg and stiffens his whole body.

“No, Jensen is my friend too Daddy, I love him and he was my friend and you can’t take him away from me.”

“Jay, maybe it would be best if you called Jensen, let Eli talk to him.” Lyds tries to intervene.

“Um, I’m not sure, um…oh god…” Jared is panicking, in all the worry about Jensen finding out he hadn’t really thought about how attached Eli was, he sees now that he’s been stupid to overlook the time they spent together.

“I want my Jensen, please I wants Jensen…” Eli continues to wail into the carpet, his breaths getting more and more erratic.

“OK, ok let me go and see Jensen, alright I’ll talk to him and then he can come see Eli.”

“OK, Jay I think that’s the best idea, I’ll try and calm him down. Go on then.”

Jared drives pretty much on autopilot to Jensen’s apartment across town, it’s not until he’s pressing the buzzer that he realizes he has no idea what he’s going to say.

“”Lo” Jensen says sleepily through the speaker.

“Ahem, it’s me, um Jared. Can I come up I need to speak to you?”

“Yeah, yeah sure, of course.”

The hopeful tone to Jensen’s voice makes Jared’s stomach clench up with regret and guilt. _‘This is for the best Jared, it’ll be horrible for a few months but Eli will get over it, better he have fond memories of Jensen than everything going to shit and you having to pick up the pieces again, at least this way you’re in control.’_ He takes a deep breath and pushes through the buzzing door.

Once he’s on Jensen’s floor his stomach is practically in his throat and he’s palms are sweaty. He knocks softly at the front door.

“Jay are you ok? Please come in.”

Jensen is wearing his grey sweatpants and white wife beater he likes to nap in, his hair is messed up and fluffy at the back and he’s wearing his thick-rimmed glasses. In short he looks like perfection, Jared almost whimpers at the sight.

“I’m ok, thank you, but um Eli, god Eli is having a tantrum, he’s never had one before, he wants to see you. Errr today he asked when you were coming round and I told him that you wouldn’t be and I dunno what happened he just flipped out, screaming, hitting, crying. Lydia’s with him at the moment trying to calm him down, but I just I don’t know what to do, he’s never been like this.” Jared wipes furiously at his eyes, god why is it now he chooses to cry.

“Hey Jay, Jay don’t cry please, it’s ok, um it’s a shitty situation to explain to anyone let alone a three year old. But what do you want me to do, I don’t even understand why you’re doing this, now you want to explain to Eli what’s going on?”

It’s too much, Jensen is rubbing soothing circles into the small of Jared’s back and holding him almost against his chest, but his tone is exactly as it should be, pissed. “I’m so sorry Jensen, I’m so sorry, I can’t explain why I’m doing this, not yet anyways, but I can’t calm Eli down and it’s just he’s so upset.”

Jared knows he’s being selfish as he leans his head into the arc of Jensen’s neck; he draws in a deep breath in through his nose and takes in the warm, spicy scent of his once lover, his soul mate.

They stay like that motionless and curled against each other for a few minutes, Jared doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to leave the warmth of Jensen’s body and Jensen doesn’t want to let go of Jared now that he has him in his arms. Unfortunately for the both of them reality comes crashing down upon them when Jared’s phone starts ringing loudly in his pocket.

“Lyd’s hi, hey are you ok, how’s Eli do…” Jared doesn’t finish his sentence because Eli’s sobbing is all he hears.

“I just want to see my Jensen, please auntie Lydia I love him and he said that I could see him whenever I wanted why has he left us. Doesn’t he love me, he said he loved me?”

“Jared please bring Jensen over here, I don’t care what’s going on between you two but this little boy is heartbroken.” With that Lydia hangs up the phone.

Jared pulls back from Jensen’s embrace and doesn’t even say anything to him Jensen just nods.

“I’ll just grab my hoodie, I’ll meet you down at your car.”

-

“Look Jared I know that this doesn’t change the way you feel, um but please just explain what’s going on, I’m about to go tell the little boy that I’ve grown to love that I can’t see him anymore and I have no idea why I can’t. Please Jared don’t do this, whatever it is, whatever I’ve done I’ll change and make it up to you, please just tell me.”

“Jen, oh god Jen, it’s nothing you’ve done.”

“Is it about Eli’s other Dad, is it because I pushed you about it, I’m sorry Jay it doesn’t matter, I don’t need to know, it’s nothing. I’m so sorry I’ll never do that again, push you like that get so worked up.”

“Jensen please stop, that’s not it…it’s just, it’s um...it’s me, ok it’s not you it’s me, I can’t deal with this right now and I just, I’m sorry ok.” As soon as the sentence leaves Jared’s mouth he knows it’s was the absolute worst thing he could’ve said. The atmosphere in the car goes icy in a matter of seconds and Jensen’s whole body tenses.

“Oh, um I see, well um, right well I’ll just talk to Eli and then I’ll be out of your way.”

Jared pulls the car into the driveway and before it’s even in park Jensen is out of the car and taking the steps two at a time. He’s just about to reach for the handle when Eli bursts through door and jumps into Jensen’s arms. Jared cracks his door open but doesn’t leave the car he just listens.

“Jensen I missed you so much, why didn’t you come to see me, I love you and you just disc-appeared.” Eli nuzzles his face into the side of Jensen’s neck, it’s a move that mirrors what Jared had just done, seeking comfort in the other man, and seeing it almost breaks Jared’s heart.

“I’m so sorry bud, I’m so sorry it upset you. I never meant to hurt you; I would never do anything to hurt you, not intentionally at least. Your Daddy and me, well, we are going to need some time apart for a while. It’s nothing to do with you little man, it’s nothing you’ve done or not done, just sometimes when you’re a grown up things change and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Jared can make out the faint sound of Eli sobbing against Jensen’s neck, he watches as Jensen’s big hand calmly rubs at Eli’s back.

“Hey, don’t cry baby boy, you know I love you so much and nothing happening between your Daddy and me is going to change that ok.” Jensen places a firm kiss into Eli’s hair and pulls the boy further into his body. Eli wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck and clings on for what looks like dear life. Jared breaks down, what the hell is happening to his life. He’s made such a fucking mess of everything.

As Jared gets out of the car he can see Jensen saying something into Eli’s ear, but Jared can’t hear what’s being said. Without a word Eli places a kiss onto Jensen’s lips, then runs back into the house once Jensen has lowered him to the floor.

Jensen turns around, his face is full of anger and unshed tears, he all but stomps over to Jared. Jensen forces Jared back against the car and leans into his face.

“I cannot believe you just made me do that Jared Padalecki, that was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do, you fucking coward.” Jensen jabs a finger into Jared’s shoulder.

“You’ve broken that little boys heart over nothing, absolutely nothing. How could you do that…you’ve broken mine too.” Jensen deflates and pulls away from Jared’s body.

“Jensen wait…”

“Save it Jared, I can’t listen to anymore of it today, ok you’ve done enough.”

Jared watches as Jensen stalks down the driveway, shoulders hunched and tense, Jensen flips up his hood and wipes at his eyes before breaking into a run.  
  
[Part Thirteen...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/6621.html)

  



	13. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Thirteen

Gahh we're nearing the end chaps...gonna leave this on a bit of a cliffhanger for today, enjoy!  
\---  
  


When Kripke calls him to say they’ve temporarily halted production because of the writers strike Jensen doesn’t know how he’s suppose to feel. He went into work on Monday and Tuesday but he couldn’t tell you a single thing that had happened. Since Sunday he’s been keeping himself pretty dosed up on the left over Prozac prescription he’d had in his bathroom cabinet since his stint in rehab a few years back.

The knock at his door stirs him from his dozing; he hears the lock click and relaxes knowing it’ll only be Danni or Steve.

“Jensen babe, where are you?” Danni calls out.

“Sofa…”

“Oh babe, what’s going on, why haven’t you been answering your phone, you’ve had us all so worried!”

Danni pushes Jensen to one side and crawls onto the sofa next to him, her sandals dropping to the floor with a soft thud.

“Jared broke up with me, I um, I lost track of time, sorry I didn’t mean to worry anyone.”

Danni pulls him into a hug and runs her nails repeatedly over his scalp, it’s a familiar and welcome action, it calms Jensen down almost instantly.

“Tell me what happened babe.”

So Jensen does, he brings Danni right up to date, relives the pain he’d felt holding that little boy in his arms and feeling his sobs cut through his body.

“I don’t get it Danni, something just doesn’t add up. We were so good together, you knew you’d seen us, we were a family, god what did I do?”

“Hey, Jen, don’t say that. Jared said it’s him, you don’t know, Jared’s been through a lot and he’s still so young maybe it was all too much for him. Maybe he just didn’t know how to handle someone accepting him and his son, no one but his friends had before you.”

Jensen rubs tiredly at his eyes and cricks his neck painfully to one side then the other, he feels agitated, he knows Danni’s just trying to make him feel better, but he also knows she’s not right, something had changed and he knows it all started when he mentioned Eli’s other Dad.

He pulls away from Danni and goes over to his kitchen.

“Coffee?”

“No thanks Jen, are you sure you need more coffee? You don’t look like you’re sleeping as it is.”

“I’m ok Danni, I’ve just, I’ve taken a couple of prozac you know how it makes me.”

“Oh Jen, it’s that bad, why didn’t you call me, we’ve been over this before, you aren’t alone in anything Jensen, you’ve got me, Steve, Chris and your mother, please call one of us first. I don’t like you self medicating, it’s never good for you baby.”

“I know Dan, ok I know, I’m not going to take anymore. Promise.”

Jensen isn’t lying like he use to, he’s being honest the prozac aren’t really helping anyway because the problem isn’t the same, he just feels sleepy and sick and numb, and he’d rather feel something, even pain, over this nothingness.

He goes back to the sofa and curls up next to Danni with the coffee cup clenched between his hands. They sit like that for hours watching film after film until Jensen falls asleep with his head in Danni’s lap.

-

“Hey mama.”

“Jenny, so good to hear your voice, Danni said you’d had a rough couple of weeks, you had me worried baby I tried to call you so many times. I nearly got Josh to book me a flight.”

“I’m sorry mama, I’m feeling better now honestly, I just well I guess Danni told you, Jared and I broke up. He um well he broke up with me, I just, it was hard to take you know, plus with Eli it was even more complicated. I’m so sorry I didn’t call Mama, you know I’m working on that, I’m trying to ask for help.”

“I know baby, I’m so proud of you, you know that right.”

“Yeah Mama, I know.” Jensen replies softly.

“Have you seen Eli since? I know how taken you were with the little boy.”

“Um only once it wasn’t great, I think that’s been the hardest, he’s so young Mama, and so innocent in all this, I’ve got to make things right, I’m working on it, but well I can’t really explain right now. Just that something about it all doesn’t add up and I need to figure it out, I’m gonna get them back mama, both of them, I can’t be without them.” Jensen says with determination.

“Oh baby, I’m so glad. They made you so happy.”

“Yeah they did. Um, I’ve also got another reason for calling, um I’ve been talking with my doctor and um, could you send me photos of me and Papa together, um from as far back as you can, he thinks it’ll help, um, it’ll help me.”

“Oh baby.” Jensen’s mama lets out a sob, it’s a happy sob though, Jensen’s never spoken about his father since his death all those years ago.

“I’ll get Josh to send you some, you want them in the mail or shall I get him to do it over the internet for you.”

“Um if he could email them that would be fine mama, thank you.”

Jensen hangs up the phone and leans his head against the wall. He feels the guilt instantly. It wasn’t a complete lie; the last time he’d seen Dr. Minowitz, the doctor had suggested that Jensen try to reconnect with the memory of his father, only that was seven months ago and Jensen hadn’t wanted to then and was only doing so now out of necessity.

-

Two days later Jensen is staring at digital image of himself and his father, Jensen must have been around four in the photo. His hair is sandy blonde and cut into a fairly awful looking bowl cut, his eyes are huge and round and look too big for his face. The bright green hue of them shines out even on the muted matte surface of the 80’s Kodak print. His father has his arms wrapped around Jensen’s tiny waist and is blowing kisses against Jensen’s cheek. He can’t help but feel his heart stutter as he stares at the image, he didn’t want the photos for a trip down memory lane, but with them staring back at him from his screen he can’t avoid it. He lets himself cry; just for a few minutes he lets himself miss his Dad.

-

Jensen is fairly certain now that the reason Jared ended their relationship is because of him, or more specifically the evil bastard Jensen that got Jared pregnant. He wouldn’t swear on his mother’s life, but he’d probably place a fairly decent amount of money on it. Things started to nag at Jensen’s memory, or plague his brain. Why was Jared so cagey about Eli’s other Dad? Why had Jared acted so weirdly when they’d first met? Why had Jensen never felt so comfortable and at home as he did when he was with his two beautiful boys? And why had Eli melted Jensen’s goddamn heart so quickly? Don’t get it wrong Jensen didn’t hate kids, not at all but he’d never felt that kind of bond or closeness with one before.

Joy and anxiety bubble away in his stomach with the thought that Eli, that beautiful little boy might be his. He has an envelope of ‘evidence’ as he thinks of it, inside are three print outs of photos of Jensen, aged between two and six years old, there are two dog eared photos of the three of them together looking so happy and there’s the Polaroid Jared had taken of Jensen and Eli pressing their faces together and smiling for the camera. The last piece of evidence falls into Jensen’s lap in the most serendipitous way.

Thirteen days into the writers strike Jensen gets an email from Michael Rosenbaum. He hasn’t spoken to Mick in years, but the email, in itself, isn’t unusual; Mick is one of those people who sends mass emails out every few months. Jensen usually glances at them then deletes them straight away. This email has the subject line “The good old days?” and attached are a selection of jpegs.

Jensen scrolls down the email until he sees the images loading, the first one is from a premiere for some crappy film, Mick and Tom are hugging it out for the camera. The next is at a network party, the shot is badly lit Tom and Mick are posing for the camera in the glare of the flash but clearly in the background is Jared propped up against the wall with a beer in his hand. He looks impossibly young, all legs and arms; Jensen feels a flutter in his stomach and a tug at some long gone memory. The next shot is similar but Allison is tucked under Tom’s arm and now in the background Jensen see’s the unmistakable image of his younger foolish self.

Jensen pushes away from the computer screen and runs to the bathroom where he promptly vomits into the toilet bowl. There’s nothing quite like the confirmation that you are essentially the scum of the earth to make you toss your cookies.

Jensen leans back against the tub, rakes his hands through his hair and wills himself not to throw up again.

-

It’s been two days since Jensen saw those photos; he’d turned off his computer screen, drunk half a bottle of Jack and slept for about seventeen hours. After spending a couple of hours giving himself a good talking to he’d decided enough was enough.

So here he is showered, shave, cleaned and minty fresh, in his hand he’s clutching that envelope. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath before knocking on Jared’s front door.  
  
[Next chapter...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/6899.html)

  



	14. You like boys like me, Jay? Part Fourteen

Phew...ok there's definitely a little bit of angst ahead, but then there might just be some delicious make up sex in there too, well maybe or maybe not...enjoy :) Thanks again for all the comments, they've really spurred me on and they make me so happy :)  
\----  
  


Jared rakes his fingers through Eli’s hair. He’s only just managed to get the toddler to sleep; Eli’s had a cough for a few days and this afternoon he’s sounded like he smokes three packs a day. Jared has dosed him up with some pretty hefty cough syrup it’s pretty much knocked him out; hopefully they’ll both sleep through the whole night tonight.

As Jared is tidying away all the paraphernalia that goes with having a sickly kid there’s a knock at the door. Jared is too exhausted to think about who’s knocking so late in the evening, all he wants is to bid them farewell and fall into bed.

He pulls up his hood and opens the door. Jensen is stood there looking down at an envelope clutched in his hands. He looks nervous and worried.

“Jen what’s the matter? Why are you here so late?”

“Um hi Jared I um I need to talk to you, can I come in?”

“Jen it’s late. Eli’s been sick with a cough and I’ve just gotten him off to sleep. I just, I’m not sure I have the energy for this right now.”

Jensen can see how tired Jared is, the dark circles under his eyes, he’s wearing his ratty sweat pants that only ever see the light of day when there are no other clothes available and his hair is hanging lank and a little greasy on his forehead. Nevertheless Jensen has to do this now, he can’t let it wait any longer.

Pushing his way into the house Jensen apologizes for the intrusion but strides into the living room regardless.

“Jared I’m sorry I can see how tired you are and I know that this isn’t a great time, but this can’t wait. I, um, I need to ask you something, there’s something I need to know.”

Jared is leaning against the doorway that connects the living and dining rooms; he’s pulled his hoodie tightly closed and has his arms wrapped around himself. He lets out a weary sounding sigh.

“Ok Jensen what is so important, what do you need to know?”

Jensen looks flustered almost comically so. The envelope drops from his hand and as he scrambles to pick it up off the floor he smacks his head on the mantle piece.

“Fuck.”

“Jensen, are you ok? What’s going on, you’re starting to worry me, what’s in the envelope?”

Jared’s brain whirs into a slight panic; as he looks at the large envelope he tries not to think about the kind of legal documents that are usually delivered in envelopes of that size.

“Humm,” Jensen shakes his head and takes a deep breath, “Am I Eli’s other Dad? Am I his father?” Jensen awkwardly barks out.

Jared stumbles forward but catches himself before he falls, there’s a thundering wave of silence in his ears like he might pass out and he feels like his stomach has leapt into his throat.

“I, um, I…think I’m going to be sick.”

Jared lurches towards the kitchen and promptly vomits into the sink, coughing and retching.

“Oh shit, Jared, hey Jay, are you ok baby? Here let me help you.”

Jensen is rubbing between Jared’s shoulder blades and gently holding his floppy hair away from his face.

“Are you ok Jay, shit I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have been so blunt, fuck, why do I always mess things up?”

Jared wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and reaches for a glass of water, he rinses his mouth and lets the water run down and clear the sink.

“I don’t, why are you being so nice, I don’t understand.”

“Let’s go sit down hey, here let me get you some fresh water.”

Jensen places a kiss to Jared’s temple. Jared is so exhausted by everything; all he can do is follow Jensen’s orders. He stumbles into the living room and sits on the edge of one of the sofas. When Jensen hands him a glass of cold water he guzzles down the whole thing, he also pops the gum Jensen gives him straight into his mouth and chews.

Jensen is sat on the armchair next to Jared, similarly perched on the edge and looking nervous, he opens the envelope and pulls out the photos.

Jared looks down at the three small reprints of some Kodak prints from the 80’s.

“Oh god, it’s you isn’t it, that’s you when you were Eli’s age?”

“Yeah I’m four in that one.” Jensen points to the image of him sat on his fathers lap.

“Oh Jen, he looks just like you, so much like you.” Jared lets out a sob; the photo flutters to the ground as he buries his face into his palms, curling his body forward.

Moving from the armchair to sit beside Jared, Jensen wraps an arm around Jared’s hunched, shaking shoulders.

“Hey Jay, it’s not a that bad is it, I mean I was a cute kid, right?” Jensen jokes, trying to break the tension. Jared sniffs loudly and looks up into Jensen’s face.

“You’re…you aren’t mad? I…I thought you’d be mad, or I don’t know I um, I thought you’d be so angry, at me, at Eli, maybe yourself.”

Jensen lets out a pained chuckle, “Yeah I’m not too proud of myself Jay, that’s for sure, but angry at you or Eli, no way. You two are, um, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Out of all the shit I got myself into, and out of all the stupid things I did back then, you falling pregnant with Eli is about the only thing I can look back upon and not feel regret about. I love you both so much.” Jensen swallows back the sob he can feel building in his chest. “Even before I realized he was mine you were both my best thing. Once I’d found out what I had done, oh god, Jared I’m so ashamed, the way I must’ve treated you.”

Jared leans his forehead against the side of Jensen’s head, he’s too tired, too relieved to say anything, what could he say anyways, what could he possible say to make Jensen feel better about this.

“I love you so much Jay, you and Eli. I get why you did it, why you broke up with me, I, um I would’ve too. Can you forgive me for being such a bastard? God I was such a prick, I’m so sorry.” Jensen hangs his head, he feels wrecked. He wasn’t sure what would happen once he’d told Jared; he’d been so worked up about having proof Eli was his, he was so happy there was a reason Jared had left him that he hadn’t actually considered what Jared’s reaction would be.

Jared clears his throat and takes one of Jensen’s hands in his.

“I already had…forgiven you, I mean, I did long ago. Even after you’d kicked me out all those years before I didn’t really hate you, not like I should of. God Jensen, the only person I’ve ever wanted is you, I thought I loved you back then but I see now that it was just lust, I was just in love with the idea of you, this carefree, absurdly hot actor, who swept me off my feet.” Jared says with a shy smile. “Now, meeting you now, I know I love you, this you; the kind, loving and handsome Jensen. I’m sorry for the way I acted, I know now that I should’ve just told you the truth. Eli’s my world though Jensen, I couldn’t risk it, I couldn’t let anything happen to him. To us, he’s all I have.” Jared says softly as he rubs his thumb over Jensen’s knuckles.

“Not anymore,” Jensen coughs, “I mean if you’ll let me, I um, I want to be in yours and Eli’s life, I need to be Jay, please?”

Jared takes in a sharp breath before breaking into a giddy mix of laughter and tears.

“Oh god I want that so much Jen, I love you so much.”

Jensen surges forward and captures Jared’s lips, his hands come round to grip the sides of Jared’s head and their foreheads rest together. The kiss itself isn’t dramatic; it isn’t sloppy or overtly sexual, their lips are pressed together in relief and love and an understanding that this is it; this is them being honest with each other.

Jared pulls back smiling a shy little smile as Jensen mirrors him.

“God I’ve miss you.” Jensen says as he presses another kiss onto Jared’s closed mouth.

Jensen pulls Jared’s now relaxed body back against his, so that both men and curled up into the sofa. Jared’s legs sprawl out to the side and Jensen props his feet up on the coffee table.

Jared chuckles to himself, then says, “Um…congratulations, I guess? It’s a boy!”

“Doofus…oh man, I’m a father, my boy Eli. God I love the way that sounds. My son Eli, my baby boy.” Jensen sounds out the words, letting them roll around his mouth. Both of them stay like that for a little while, in the calm aftermath of the drama.

“What do you want to tell him?” Jensen asks.

“Um I’m not sure to be honest, maybe we should just let him know that you’ll be back, um for good now.”

“Yeah I like that, maybe give him time to get use to me again, then hopefully if he decides he likes me we can tell him the truth.”

“What are you even talking about, if ‘he decides he likes you’, jesus you’re all he ever talks about Jensen. That little boy is so gone over you I’m starting to worry about my footing at the top of his tree of love.”

Jensen nuzzles his head against Jared’s hair hiding the shy, ecstatic laughter that bubbles in his throat.

“Our son, hummm our little boy.” Jensen repeats the glee evident in his voice.

“What were the other photos in that envelope?” Jared enquiries casually.

“Oh a couple others of me as a kid, that Polaroid you took of Eli and me; and um…some photos Mike Rosenbaum sent me, um from the night we met.”

“Oh god, really? Jesus how, why…did you ask him for them?” Jared asks in disbelief.

“No, god no, um he sends out these group emails all the time and I just happened to actually read this one. That was when I knew it had to be me, who was Eli’s dad, once I saw them, us together all those years back, everything fell into place.” Jensen says placing another kiss into Jared hair.

They’re both silent for a little while, both lost in thought and too content in the quiet to disturb it.

-

Jensen’s arm feels weird, or numb to be more precise, he tentatively wiggles his fingers. Pins and needles shoot up his arm causing him to groan.

“Oww fuck.”

The jostling wakes up Jared, whose head was wedged into the side of Jensen.

“Oh man,” He yawns, “What time is it?”

Jensen rubs furiously at his arm trying to stop the ache, “Um just after eleven, we can’t have been asleep for more than an hour.”

“You um, you want to stay the night Jen?” Jared asks with a smile.

“I was hoping you’d ask that, I can think of nothing I want more than to spend the night with you Jay.”

Jared hauls himself off the couch and slaps playfully at Jensen sensitive arm.

“Ow bitch!”

“Jerk! Come on hot stuff, let’s go upstairs.”

Jared pulls his hoodie and tee shirt off before giving himself a quick sniff.

“Oh god I’m just gonna grab a quick shower before um, we go to bed. I stink.”

“Humm you want a little company in there?”

Jared actually blushes at that, just nodding his head before he walks into the bathroom. He’s pulling off his sweats when a fully naked Jensen wanders in and wraps himself round Jared’s bent over form.

“Oh Jay I’ve miss you, missed this.” Jensen places kisses along Jared’s spine.

“Jen, oh miss you too.”

Jared turns around and pulls Jensen’s body into his, his mouth seeking out Jensen’s mouth.

They pull apart to turn on the shower and finish taking Jared’s their clothes.

“Oh wait, I just want brush my teeth, you go ahead and get nice and wet for me baby.” Jared says with a smirk.

“You don’t have to I still love kissing you, pukey breath and all.” Jensen teases.

“Shut up Romeo and just get in the shower.”

Jared brushes his teeth as quickly as possible. When he’s happy there’s no more pukey breath, he looks at his face in the rapidly steaming up mirror and smiles in disbelief. Jensen knows everything, Jensen knows everything and is still here, still wants to be here with both of them, is still here and currently naked in Jared’s shower. Shaking his head at his thought process, Jared is quick to join said naked Jensen in the shower.

Jensen head is thrown back and the hot water is running over his hair and down the long column of his neck. He looks glorious, his skin is pinking up with the heat and Jared takes a minute to just appreciate the way the water cascades over Jensen’s body, from his broad freckle kissed shoulders, over his tight dusky nipples; the way it gathers in his tuft of pubic hair and runs slowly down the length of his thickening, swollen cock.

Jared aligns his body carefully behind Jensen’s, the double head shower cubicle offers them plenty of room, but Jared wants to be as close as possible. His larger form covers Jensen’s body, pressing Jared’s cock to Jensen’s ass, his chest to Jensen’s back. Jared leans his head into the croak of Jensen’s neck and gazes over the length of Jensen’s body.

“Hey.” He murmurs into Jensen’s ear as both his hands wrap around Jensen’s rapidly filling dick. Jensen brings both his arms up to wrap around Jared’s head and neck, pulling Jared’s mouth to nuzzle at the stubble on Jensen’s neck. Jared bites and sucks over Jensen’s adam’s apple and licks at the bite marks he leaves behind.

“Ohhh, god I’ve missed you, so fucking hot Jay, make me so hot!”

Jared slowly jacks his fist up and down the length of Jensen’s cock, he squeezes from the base to the tip, watches with hooded eyes as the precome just pearls at the slit before being washed away by the water. The pace is slow, agonizingly so for Jensen, as Jared teases and pulls at his dick. Jensen lets out a moan, his fingers grip and pull at Jared’s hair as Jared cups his balls in his palm, squeezes them before letting his finger trail back further. Instinctively Jensen spreads his legs wider; Jared’s huge hand pushes between his thighs as he runs a finger along Jensen’s perineum, up to his tight pucker.

“Never, unf…never done this before baby.”

Jared kisses at Jensen’s neck, “You want me to stop?” He breathes into his ear.

“No, no I want it, want you to, aaah, want you to fuck me.” Jensen stutters out as Jared’s finger plays with his delicate hole.

“Ok, you trust me baby, I’ll make it good, so good. Lean forward babe, hold yourself up, push out your cute little butt for me.” Jared runs a palm over the round rump of Jensen ass as his other hand gently pushes Jensen’s shoulders forward.

“That’s it, good boy.” Jared teases, he delights at being the one in control.

Jensen whimpers and drops his head to the cool wet tiles. Jared teases at Jensen’s asshole with one hand, whilst adjusting the shower setting, easing the pressure so the spray is more like rainfall.

Jensen draws in deep heavy breaths, his whole body feels alive and sensitive, he’s never wanted this before, but now it’s all he wants, needs; to feel Jared so fully and completely inside of him.

“Fuck me Jared, I need you baby, need to feel you.”

Jared slowly pulls out his fingers that are gently scissoring Jensen’s hole and squeezes some organic body lotion onto his hand and over his impossibly hard cock. He runs the liquid up the length of his dick and squeezes the base to try and calm himself down.

“Want you so much Jensen, wanted this for so long, god can’t wait to feel you. So good baby. You ready?”

“Do it Jay, just please do it.” Jensen pants out, he pushes his ass back tilts his hips forward, inviting Jared in.

“Fuck baby.” Jared guides the end of his cock into Jensen’s taut little pucker, kisses the tip of his cock to Jensen’s hot skin and waits a beat for them both to relax.

Jensen’s lets out a breathy, “Need you.” As Jared pushes another good two inches in.

“Fuck, baby you’re so tight, Christ, so tight Jensen, god…need to move baby.”

“Ppplease, Jared.”

Jared pushes all the way in, his hips flush with Jensen’s hard little ass, his cock throbs strongly inside Jensen’s hot tight channel. Both men lean forward, Jared’s weight pressing Jensen closer to the tiles.

“Fuck Jay you feel so big, god can’t, unf, can’t believe you’re in me, and it feels good, s’weird, but good.” Jensen slurs out. Jensen gives the muscles in his arse an exploratory squeeze causing Jared to groan out in pleasure and pain.

“Fuck Jen, jesus fuck so tight, give a guy some warning.” He ducks his head down and kisses at the nape of Jensen’s neck.

“Gotta move baby, I gotta move.” Jared pulls all the way out of Jensen’s body, the cling and squeeze on his cock feels superb. He looks down at the point where their bodies are joined as he forcefully pushes back inside Jensen, uses a firmly hand on Jensen’s hip to hold his lover in place.

“Oh fuck Jay, fuck, harder please, want to feel you.”

Jared thrusts his hips forward, tilting Jensen’s hips a little straighter and forcing his aching cock up deep into Jensen’s ass. He can tell the moment he hits that little bundle of nerves as Jensen’s body give a full shudder and a debauched sounding groan tears through Jensen’s lungs. Jared doesn’t wait for Jensen’s body to recover from that sensation; he pounds his cock into Jensen’s ass, wrapping a strong arm around Jensen’s waist to lift him a little higher. Jensen raises one leg to the ledge allowing Jared to go deeper, thrust harder into him. Jared cannot contain the grunting sound escaping from his chest; he’s never felt this kind of power, control and utter trust before. Jensen just takes it, his body rocks back and forth with Jared’s movements. The pressure builds in the base of Jensen’s spine and pools in his tightening balls as Jared pounds away at his prostate.

“Fuck, fuck me, oh fuck Jared I’m gonna oh god I’m gonna come….fuckkkkkkk.”

Jensen’s whole body seizes up, the muscles in his ass clamp down with a vice like grip and Jared comes with a loud almost pained sounding yelp. As the second wave of orgasm pulses through his body Jared bites down into the tense meaty muscle in Jensen’s collarbone.

They slump forward, panting heavily against the tiled wall for a few seconds, trying to get their breath back.

“You fucking animal, you bit me.” Jensen whines as he pushes Jared backwards and gets the weight off his back.

Jared chuckles into Jensen damp back and slowly eases his acutely sensitive cock out of Jensen’s hole.

“God, so fucking big, oh man, feel like I’ve been fucked with a baseball bat.” Jensen turns round slowly so that Jared can see the huge grin plastered to his face.

“You liked it though, huh baby liked my baseball bat cock up your ass. God Jen you felt so good.”

Jensen lets out a whimper as his cock twitches against his thigh.

“Baby, so good, you were amazing. Felt so good.” Jensen showers Jared’s face and neck with kisses. Jared fiddles with the shower, the pressure increases as hot water pours down on both of them.

They gently wash each other’s bodies; hands stroking over long tired legs and along stretched and sore muscles. Both are careful to delicately clean each other’s cocks, and Jared rubs a soft cloth between Jensen’s cheeks and over his abused hole. Lastly Jensen squirts a little shampoo into his palms before reaching up and massaging it into Jared’s long wet hair; his long dexterous fingers work on Jared’s scalp easing away all of the worries and stresses of the last few days, weeks even. Gently he pulls Jared under the spray, tilting his lover’s head back and clear of the soapy bubbles.

Jared shuts off the water and leans down for a long tender kiss.

“I love you Jen.”

“I love you too Jay, so much.”

-

Both men dry off quickly, both exhausted from all the emotions and events of the day. Jared takes out two pairs of sleep pants, tossing one pair at Jensen. He chuckles as Jensen pulls them on and rolls them at the waist twice.

“Short ass.”

“Gigantor! Get into bed, I’m tired, you wore me out.” Jensen says with a smirk on his face.

Jared climbs into the huge bed and lifts up the cover for Jensen.

“You loved every minute of it.” Jared retorts as he kisses Jensen’s head.

Jensen just lets out a snort and curls into Jared’s side.

[Epilogue...](http://caoscalmo.livejournal.com/7074.html)   



	15. You like boys like me, Jay? Epilogue

I felt like this needed a little Epilogue to just round things up, thank you for everyone who has read this and for all the comments, you guys encouraged me to finish up this little adventure. Twas fun.  
  
Epilogue – A few months later

  
  


“Jay hurry up we’re gonna miss our flight!”

“Yeah Daddy hurry up I don’t wanna miss the plane, I wanna go!”

Jensen hefts Eli up into his waist, the little boy is wearing a very full duffle slung over his shoulder and it bangs against Jensen’s hip.

“You all set little man, ready to get some Texas air in your lungs.”

Jensen places a kiss on the little boy’s forehead.

“I can’t wait Jen, Daddy said that we’d go on horses and see cows and that I could play at being a real cowboy, I’m so excited.”

“Ok, ok sorry I had to find my sunglasses and I needed to make sure I left out all the emergency numbers for Lyds, and then I had to check the fridge for any food that’ll go bad whilst we’re away. Sorry but one of us have to be the grown up round here.” Jared teases as he tweaks Eli’s nose and slaps Jensen’s arse.

-

The heat of the Texan sun is a stark change from the chilly Autumnal winds of Vancouver in October. Jared straps a sleeping Eli into the back seat of the hire car as Jensen packs their bags in the trunk.

“You ok babe, you look worried.”

“I’m fine Jen, honestly just um, I’m excited to met your family, your Mama’s been so nice to me and I love talking to her on the phone, but oh man, it’s just a long time since I’ve had anything like a mother in my life.” Jared smiles sadly at his lover.

Jensen pulls him into a tight hug, pushing his mouth against the shell of Jared’s ear he whispers.

“She’s going to love you, she already does baby.”

They had already told Jensen’s mother pretty much the whole truth, minus some of the grittier details and once she was aware that she had a little grandson she’d never met she demanded that the next break they got off they’d be flying to Texas.

Pulling up the long drive way to the Ackles home Jared felt his stomach clench up tight, the last time he’d gone to a family home he been rejected and slapped and called a faggot, he tried to push those thoughts from his mind. Sensing his discomfort Jensen squeezes Jared’s knee softly.

“Deep breaths baby, it’ll be fine, she already loves you and Eli.”

A small well dressed woman of about sixty is waiting on the doorstep of the house, Jared can see the resemblance instantly, he also sees Jensen’s older brother Josh, and their sister Mac just hanging a little further back. They make a cute family, all with big expressive eyes and kind smiles.

“Boys you made it, oh I’m so happy you are here. Well you must be Jared, gosh you’re even taller than you seem on television, and so handsome. Oh Jensen you better keep an eye on him around here, once my friends get a look of those dimples he’ll never be safe.” Donna teases as she pulls the wary younger man into a warm and gently hug.

“Where’s that gorgeous little son of yours then?”

As if on cue Eli’s sleeping little head pops between the two front seats, Jared helps his son out of the car and holds him tightly to his chest.

“Eli this is Jensen’s Mama, Donna; Donna this is my son Eli.”

Donna looks at the shy little boy as he curls his head into the crook of his daddy’s neck and looks up at her through impossibly long and familiar eyelashes and she bursts into tears.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry, oh dear what a silly old woman, oh my well aren’t you just the most handsome little boy, you look so much like your father, oh gosh.” Donna wipes at her tears and gives the boy a watery smile.

Eli just blushes and reaches across for Jensen, “Jen, Jen me.” Jensen reaches out and pulls the little boy into his arms, it still fills his chest with pride that his little boy has accepted him into the family and trusts and reaches for him as much as he does Jared.

Jared pulls Donna into another hug, comforting the emotional woman.

“I’m sorry it’s just I wasn’t expecting him to look so much like Jensen, its just the pictures should’ve warned me but seeing them together oh my, he’s beautiful Jared, you should be so proud.” She says so softly only Jared can hear.

“I know Donna, I am. He’s perfect.”

-

Once the boys are all settled in and unpacked Donna calls them all for dinner. Eli slowly loses his initial shyness and starts to babble away like his usual self. He tells Josh all about his adventures in Canada, and is excited to meet Josh’s children and wife.

“Daddy said I could be a real cowboy now I’m here in Texas, can I be a real cowboy, I would love to get some boots too…yee haw.”

The table erupts into laughter, Eli looks puzzled by the laughter, he was being utterly serious in his request.

“Can you tell which little boy has been watched a lot of Toy Story recently?” Jensen quips. 

“Aww Eli baby, don’t pout we’re just teasing, we’ll take you to see Mr Jacksons tomorrow and get you all kitted out like a proper cowboy, ok baby?” Jensen says before kissing his son lightly on the head.

“Ok Jen, thank you.” Eli smiles as he spoons more peach cobbler into his mouth.

-

The next morning Donna, Jensen and Eli head down to the town, Jared is excused from the venture as he’s typically caught a ‘first day of the vacation’ cold and has been told to stay in bed and rest.

“Can we get daddy some candy to cheer him up Jen?” Eli asks.

“Of course baby, we can swing by the old candy store before we go home and pick him up some of those gummies he likes.”

Eli is walking between Donna and Jensen, swinging merrily back and forth happy in his own little world.

“Oh my goodness, if that isn’t Jensen Ackles oh my and this must be your son, hello there little man, don’t you look just like your Daddy.”

Jensen and Donna look at each other panicked.

“Oh hello Martha, how lovely to bump into you, yes Jensen is home visiting for a few days and this is Eli.”

“Hello.” Eli says shyly before wrapping himself around Jensen’s denim clad thigh to avoid the old woman from ruffling his hair.

“Such a cutie, oh it’s like I’ve gone back in time 25 years and its Alan with a little Jensen in tow instead. So darn cute.”

Martha coos and fusses over Eli for a few more seconds before Donna informs the older woman that they really must be on their way. Eli seems unaffected by her comments, just happy to be away from having his cheeks pinched.

-

Eli is strutting back and forth in front of the huge mirror in the store window, admiring his full cowboy get up, including mini boots and a Stetson, he hears another cry of shock. This time from a younger woman she’s around Jensen’s age and has a boy of about ten walking moodily behind her.

“Oh my lord above, is that Jensen Ackles. Well look at you, you sure did grow up fine, oh gosh. Hello there Jensen, you remember me.” The woman smiles and preens, pouting her rouged lips at Jensen.

“Oh hi there, of course I remember you Leanne.” Jensen politely leans over and kisses the woman’s cheek. Donna walks over to them.

“Good morning Leanne, nice to see you again this must be your boy, Benji. Nice to meet you young man.” The child just grunts at Donna.

Leanne oblivious of Donna squeezes Jensen’s bicep and giggles, “Oh my Jensen, now you’re a big Hollywood star you’ve been working out. Well I remember you when you were just a scrawny fifteen year old trying to woo me and take me to the dance.”

Jensen blushes and looks at his mother and then Eli, who’s taken off the Stetson and is watching the exchange with wide eyes.

“Oh and look at this little fellow here, y’all have a baby Jensen, look at him. Well hello there, y’all look just like your Daddy here. What’s your name cutie-pie?” Leanne pinches at Eli’s cheek causing the little boy to wince and stumble back behind Donna’s legs.

“Jen isn’t my…” Eli begins.

“His name’s Eli, Leanne, and it was very nice to see you again, but Jensen and I really have to make a move. Come on Eli baby, you want to wear your new clothes out?” Donna hastily asks.

“Yes please, have you gots my old clothes to give to Daddy?”

Donna pulls Eli up and quickly walks out of the shop and away from Leanne. Jensen is quick on her heels, only offering the rather brash woman the slightest glance before he’s gone.

“Oh dear Jensen, I think maybe we should head to the Target out of town to grab Jared some medicine and candy there, I didn’t think at all about how many people would be in town today. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok Mama, he seems ok about it, I think the hat is keeping him distracted.” Jensen smiled to his mother, though he was pretty worried that he’d just very much let the cat out of the bag with Eli.

-

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look I’m like a real cowboy now.” Eli bursts into the living room, stomping his boots and tipping his hat at Jared, his gait is adorable wide and looks almost like he’s mimicking Jensen’s bowed legs.

“Aaaaachoo, oh baby boy you look so grown up and utterly adorable, come pose for me so I can send your aunts a photo of you looking so mean!”

Eli wanders over and poses for his Daddy, before coming to sit on Jared’s blanketed legs on the sofa.

“Daddy, when we were in town today two people askeded if Jensen was my Daddy, well they didn’t even ask one lady said that I could be Jensen. Why do I like so much like Jensen if I camed out of your tummy?” Eli has worked his way up Jared’s body and rests his head on his Daddy’s shoulder.

“Oh baby boy, hah, ok, well I suppose I should properly tell you something. You remember when you asked me why you only had one daddy when Elmo was telling you that most people had two parents, well Jensen is your other Daddy baby boy. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you for so long, but well I hadn’t seen Jensen in many years and we had a few things to sort out before we were friends again, but now you know he’s here forever and he loves you so much. He’s your other daddy baby, that’s why you look so much like him.”

“Oh, but I’m still yours too daddy, I look like Jensen but I stayed in your tummy, and I have your nose don’t I?” The little boy looks concerned and confused.

“Yep baby, you are made up of half of me, and half of Jensen. So you have your Daddy Jensen’s hair, eyes, lips and freckles, but you’ve got my little nose and you’re gonna be tall like a giant like me.” Jared smiles and kisses his baby’s nose.

“Oh ok then.” Eli seems satisfied by that answer and is content to curl up with his daddy for a few minutes.

Jensen knocks the door before coming in with two mugs of tea and a little bag from the pharmacy.

“Hey you two, here’s where you’ve been hiding, I made you both some tea, extra milk and sugar for you baby boy.”

Jensen sits the mugs down and drops himself down at the opposite end of the couch. Jared looks over to his lover and tries to convey the gravity of the conversation he and his son have just had, but the wide eyes and raising of his eyebrows just lead to Jensen mouthing “WHAT?!” at Jared. Eli puts an end to this when he crawls off of Jared and over to Jensen.

“Jensen you are my other Daddy, I have half of you and half of Daddy and that’s why I look like you.” Eli pulls at Jensen’s lips and runs his fingers over Jensen’s face.

“See we have the same eyes.” He sits on Jensen’s lap and places his face right in front of Jensen until they are nose to nose. Both of them go a little crossed eyed but Jensen gets the idea.

“Yeah we do baby boy, we do.” Jensen says a little choked up.

Eli sits back and stretches out so his head is resting on Jensen’s chest and his feet are on Jared’s lap.

“I’m glad you’re my other Daddy Jens, because you were my second favourite ever, but now I can put you next to daddy at the top of my tree of love, you are together at the top. Can I call you Papa, Taylor at day care has a Daddy and a Papa, and I want a Papa too, can I?” Eli snuggles round and mutters lightly before he apparently drops off to sleep.

Jensen looks over to a teary eyed Jared; he reaches out and takes Jared’s hand in his.

“Papa, ha, I like the sound of that hey Jay, Daddy and Papa?”

“That sounds perfect to me baby, just perfect.”  
  
THE END

  



End file.
